Keep A Secret

Chapter#02 (24/08/2016)

DEAR ME,

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY NIGHT, 24,AUG,2016 , 11:02p.m.

i don't know really don't know what i should do!

i am so confused. i became hopeless from relationships when i realize my parents will never understand me, when my childhood friend betrayed me, when wherever i turn around i see betrayal , loneliness and heart breaks.

i used to think why i always find myself in middle of heart breaks. who ever collide me in this road of life were have their own heart broken stories but i never find anyone who could i really relay on whom i could rest.

now when people even show some kindness i became scared of that kindness that what could they ask in exchange of this favor. i am scared of kindness then getting hurt. i don't know where this story this chapter is leading me,

but i am going with flow.if i am doing some grammatical mistake then pardon me. you know right now i am feelings alone and empty. i have hide my feeling my sense to understand relationship in deep down. now i know i will not understand

any relation it doesn't mean i can't understand but i don't want to. my heart is becoming so dark that it can't open to anyone. it seems like i am not truly honest to anyone yeah its true but i am truly honest to my work. BUT!!!

why i am running why i am hiding from myself to understand the relationships. even if its the relation of parents and child , friends , siblings , relatives or lover. i have hidden my sense to acknowledge any relation in dark and i feel

empty but i am liking this emptiness at-least i can't hurt anyone. even my presence people feel like, could hurt them. so i stay silent. even i want to become silent type person which show no emotion and no one knows what my heart and mind is thinking.

Dear me, oh Dear me...

what is happening with me how i am letting myself doing this to myself. but this world people are so scary. they betray , lie , bully , cheat , take advantage of honesty and kindness. how i could keep my trust in this human kind?

oh ALLAH. help me. i know you created them but they have turn them-self in to demons by choosing wrong past and their influence also making my heart turn black. i am scared of to become heartless person. i want to be kind who help everyone

and don't ask anything in exchange. can i become that type of person? even though these human have hurt me in every way. no matter how honest and pure kindness i keep in my heart they don;t understand in return they give me pain.

the light inside my heart says "be patient" is this your answer to my plea? the light inside my heart is saying "keep patient , be honest , be kind , help those who need help , stand first when someone need help , convey your positive knowledge

to others and keep waiting. these humans will not give you your reward but ALLAH will"

Dear me..

is this what i should do?

is this who made me will answer my questions?

the light inside my heart says "yes, be faithful"

my eyes , my heart , my whole body is crying...

these is a line somewhere i hear "You see GOD in what you have in your heart"

i see GOD fearful but he love more than 70 mothers. it makes my heart warm. i want to take some rest in the lap of that LIGHT. i can't even think to go near God's light but can't i think to... i am shivering. i am so sinful person.

i want to get love of GOD (whom love us more than 70 mothers) how great that love would be.

i don't wanna go more to the religious. because i will not be able to hold myself from crying my heart out.

i do remember my sins , every sin i did or i about to do my heart clench. like my heart tried to stop me.

well...

life is hard to understand.

but!

what i really want in this time i have in this world.

i want to help people who need it.

i want to safe people who are dying because they have lost their parents i want to become their parent.

i want to spread knowledge everywhere but honest knowledge not political one.

i want to meet with every culture , every city people in this world to know better people to know the beauty of nature and be thankful to my ALLAH whom created everything and i am interested to know what more more and more he is created in this world even my life could

not be consider to see everything but i will try.

i want to become the reason of everyone smile and happy.

i want to become the example of kindness and honesty.

i want to become the person whom students gets motivated and inspired.

.

.

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you know the reality of life?

born and die.

so why not give limitless to the people..

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.

.

yes i know now!

that's what i want. this is the answer i was searching when i start writting this.

Yes!!!

i have my answer.

Best Regards,

ME.