14/05/2021 (Friday)
yes.. i used to let everyone walk all over me.. i was kind (it doesn't mean i am not kind anymore, i am so stupid kind of kind who will give the money to other person in front of her if i know that person needed most right now, even though i will not be sure what will be my next food
).. so my all friends were using me as tissue to vent all their sadness , tears and anxieties. (my friends always sent me messages to let me know how their boyfriend are treating them how much upset they are, how sad they were feeling. everything was about their negative emotions and my number was like dustbin to throw their negative emotions and not even one friend listen my anxiety and depression) my parents & relatives were making me work like servants. (they order me around , run errand to stores, washes dishes, helping them in cleaning home, after doing everything everything i was ungrateful brat even when i never complain because at that time my mentality was like this is normal , this is how every child being treated and when i realize, stop doing things i become so hateful person that one auntie wanted to scratched my face because with white face and not a servant was a loss) my colleagues were forcing me to do their work (they wanted me to complete their task and when the team leader comes to check work everyone gets appreciated and no one told that i did that, even when team leaders know he close his eyes and never manager let these kind of bullying knows) and my employer were giving me pay of much lower than washroom cleaner. (they hired me on the pay of intern , after working for 8months they were giving me pay of intern even though they said my internship will be for a month, i used to walk to home to save money, 45min walk to home was exhausted, i asked they to pay more because i was doing work of permanent employee but they always make excuses and making me realize that i wasn't good enough)
when I realized how i am treated. i stop myself doing it.my friends left me, my family & relatives start abusing me emotionally, my colleagues start isolating me, my employer didn't need a person but a doormat so i wasn't right for a work.so now I am alone but i am more calm. even though day by day everyone around me makes me feel guilty of not being a doormat anymore. sometimes I feel like, yeah i should be like before but then i slap myself on face and make myself remind me for accept who you are. not live for others live for yourself.
one thing i don't know is, why they treated me this way. what mistake i made to be treated this way. i always been kind person. i always had positive spirit. now i am silent.. more accurate word numb. i don't want to feel like that before. the real me is good + positive + kind spirit but people around me start sucking my blood. i don't want to feel emotional pain again. so i am okay being numb like this. even if i can't express my kindness fully but still i give and do kindness silently to others who needed it and they will never know that i was that person.
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Keep A Secret
ChickLit'Keep A Secret' is present, past and future. A secret of a girl. Give this story a chance you will not regret it. This is un-edited. i don't think i will edit it again, i am telling you beforehand.
