15/May/2021 (Saturday)
i am feeling so exhausted, so lost that i don't know where to start. should i tell what physical symptoms are which are more prominent or should i say internal devastation which are eating me inside out. am i dying? is that why i feeling so lost? i don't know. what exactly this feeling is. i like to solve problems. i like to find out new things. i like to help others to know what exactly they are feeling or how i could or some other way we could help that person but when me, myself don't understand my own feeling..i don't like that feeling of unknown.
I am having feeling of hopelessness, feeling like i am going to die, feeling like i have not enough time, feeling numb towards life, Feeling numb towards feelings (like , dislike, care, love), i have forgotten how to feel towards things or people, i don't have any interest in material things or getting love from people, i have given up. I just feel deep inside that i don't have enough time. I am loosing time.There 2 things i desperately wanna do.Firstly, i want to complete my degree, get a job and repay all those kind of people who gives me money for my operation (literally we didn't have any.. relatives gave us). this is kind of debt in my heart and they didn't ask back but i know i have to return.Secondly, i want to adopt a child. He/she will be my child. I have realized I have given up on having someone to love to take care but i will never give up on being a mother. but i am hesitant to even fill a form. i am scared they will reject me or something. If i die.. these will be all i will regret about.Even i have given up on myself too.Now i am scared, if someday I feel i can't do those 2 things i will end myself.I just want to let these feeling out.. say it out loud and let me see.. reality of my heart and mind.
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Keep A Secret
ChickLit'Keep A Secret' is present, past and future. A secret of a girl. Give this story a chance you will not regret it. This is un-edited. i don't think i will edit it again, i am telling you beforehand.
