Almost [Raphael X Depressed!Reader]

Chapter Two

There's some talk about self harm in here just so you know. And I like this chapter but it's mostly just in your mind...? idk so there's not much dialogue. It'll make sense once you read it.
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(Y/N) woke peacefully the next morning. There wasn't an alarm that went off or any nightmare to wake her for once.

She moved to roll over, but she couldn't turn around all the way. She ran into Raph, who she partly forgot was there.

He was still sleeping. (Y/N) understood. She called him so late last night she was surprised he even answered. She'd been doing it a lot, and she really never wanted to have to disturb him, but with her mom out of town for a few days, she had no one else to go to. She felt guilty.

Raph always told her it was alright. She shouldn't worry about it because Raph cared about her, and so did everyone else. Raphael would tell her all the time that if she were to call any of them, even Casey, they'd be over there before she knew it.

But (Y/N) didn't really know Casey all that well and she didn't think she wanted him to know about all of the things that were wrong with her. Only Raph and his brothers knew all of it. (Y/N) was sure April only knew a little bit of it all, and Casey? Well, (Y/N) wasn't really sure if he knew anything about it.

Of course he knew about the depression. It was apparent that everyone did, even the people at school. When (Y/N) came back, it was hard for her to stay an entire day. She heard everyone whispering about how the rumor must've been fake because (Y/N) was right there, walking to class. People kept staring at her because they found her to be particularly interesting that day.

Chanel and her friends did leave her alone, for that day at least. And Percy even smiled at her in the hall. April and Casey invited her to sit with them at lunch, so she didn't have to endure that alone.

She liked it a lot better when people were nice to her.

But even still, even after all the terrible rumors that spread around like wild fire, Chanel didn't stop picking on her. As soon as that first week back ended, she went back to her old ways.

(Y/N) shrunk back further and Chanel always stepped closer, saying hurtful things until (Y/N) was on the verge of tears or Casey happened to pass by.

It was always Casey, (Y/N) realized, because Casey was the one who had a class on her hall.

Sometimes, though, most times, Casey would be running late to class, and (Y/N) would have to deal with it on her own. No one ever helped her, besides Casey, of course. On the rare occasion, Percy would be in the same hallway as (Y/N) and Chanel and her friends would leave her alone. (Y/N) always found that nice.

She didn't know what she did to make Chanel hate her so much, and she spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. She never could.

(Y/N) was tired, despite having just woken up. She wanted to go back to sleep, but she was also afraid of the potential nightmare she may have.

The fear of having the dream was mostly what kept her up, not the dream itself. She didn't want to have them. They terrified her. On more than one occasion, she'd wake up crying and shaking. (Y/N) always realized it was just a dream, but when she was sleeping, and it was all playing out in her mind, it always felt so real. She didn't want to deal with it, so some nights she didn't sleep.

Most nights she didn't sleep.

(Y/N) just decided a nightmare would be worth a few more hours of sleep when Raph stirred. Then she thought about it and decided she'd much rather be awake with Raph than be asleep.

He rubbed his closed eyes before stretching his arms a little. When his eyes opened, (Y/N) noticed he blinked a couple of times. Probably registering where he was.

When he seemed to remember, he looked over at (Y/N).

"Hey." He said, sounding tired.

(Y/N) felt herself blush. She always found herself doing that when she heard his morning voice. "Hi."

"You doing anything today?" Raph sat up, rolling his shoulders.

(Y/N) shook her head. It was Saturday, and she finished all her homework last night so she had an excuse not to sleep. She hadn't made plans with anyone, but that was mostly just because she didn't have anyone to make plans with.

"You should come back with me. Mikey won't shut up about you. And Leo really wants to talk about Space Heroes. Oh, and Donnie wanted to give you your new Tphone." 

(Y/N) cracked a small smile. She was always wanted over there. Even though she knew it, there were still times when she felt she was being annoying and they hated everything about her. But, she always knew it was in her head. They all loved her, and she loved them. They were family. She was always happy there.

"Okay." (Y/N) nodded. "Do I have time to get ready first?"

She didn't want to hold Raph up.

"Yeah. Take your time." He said through a yawn.

(Y/N) got up and went to her closet. She picked out her favorite sweater and a pair of jeans, along with her undergarments from the dresser before she went into her bathroom. (Y/N) shut the door and locked it, tossing her clothes onto the counter.

After she turned on the water for the shower, she looked back to the mirror. She wanted to look away.

Much too often she'd stand in front of the mirror pointing out her flaws. It didn't used to happen often, but now, it was every morning. Every day. She hated it. She hated her flaws.

She hated herself.

Her hair was too messy. The bags under her eyes were too prominent. She too (tall/short). Her eyes weren't pretty. She just wasn't pretty. She wasn't skinny enough, even though she could barely keep down what little food she ate anyway. She was messed up. In more ways than she knew.

She wanted to be normal.

(Y/N) felt a tear fall down her cheek and she immediately straightened, swiping the tear away and looking at her hand to see if she was really crying. She saw the small amount of liquid on her fingers before she wiped it on her sleeves and got undressed.

She stepped into the shower, and felt the familiar sensation of pain on her left arm.

It wasn't a cut or a burn because when her mom found out she was doing that again, she flushed all the razors and hid all the lighters.

That didn't stop (Y/N) from using her nails.

She never meant to. (Y/N) would zone out and she's just be scratching her arm. It always hurt more than cuts, she thought. It took longer to heal.

She looked down at her arm where the one big scrape was. She remembered how she scratched until she tore the layers of skin enough for it all to be bloody. (Y/N) found it hurt even worse when she rinsed it off with water.

(Y/N) showered as quickly as she could without getting the scratches too wet. As soon as she dried off, she put on her clothes and brushed her hair. She brushed her teeth and spotted the pills sitting at the end of the counter.

Part of her didn't want to take them. From sheer curiosity. Just to see how bad it would get.

(Y/N) knew it was a stupid idea, and she instead took her medicine before she stepped out into her room.

Raph sat up when he heard the door open. (Y/N) grabbed her (f/c) converse and slipped them on before she grabbed her phone.

"Ready?" Asked Raph

(Y/N) nodded.

She was ready to see her friends, to forget about her problems. Even if it was just for a little while.