the boy with bright blue hair

confined

7/21

Let me just start of by saying it's not my fault.

It's been three days since I told Josh about my... past. Since then, he hasn't exactly left my side. The only time he's ever at his house is around noon. He spends most of the morning, the afternoon, and all night at my house, with me.

He's been doing this for the past three days.

Maybe telling Josh about everything was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, he's my best friend and I am grateful for everything he's done for me over the past month, but maybe he's too good to me. I love his company, and I love spending time with him, but I can't help but feel I'm taking away from him. He's with me almost all the time now. I don't do much of anything, and Josh doesn't strike me as someone who sits around all the time. I know he's just trying to help me out, but I feel guilty about it. Maybe I should just tell him how I feel... again.

Wish me luck.

Stay Alive.

...::...

"Hey, Josh?"

The blue haired boy pauses our game before turning his attention away from the screen towards me.

"What's up?" He chirps.

This is gonna be rough.

"What are you doing?" I ask him rhetorically. His face immediately shifts to downright confusion, glancing at the screen before back at me.

"Uh, talking to you? Playing Mario Kart?" It's obvious he has no idea what I mean. He looks at me again, dumbfounded still by my question.

"No, no, I mean, like, this that's going on." I blatantly gesture to everything. This doesn't nothing to help Josh.

"Dude, what are you talking about?"

I let out an exasperated sigh, throwing my head back and rolling it around my neck before further explaining.

"I'm talking about the fact that you been spending the majority of every day with me for the past three days." Josh still looks confused and, honestly, a little hurt. "Look," I start up again. "I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to have you in my life and for all the things you done for me, but c'mon Josh! Don't you have a life outside of me?" I regret that last sentence.

He takes a second to really analyze my words, suddenly standing up off the bed. His face looks pained and somewhat mad.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Josh, I didn't mean it like that." I say defensively. "I just meant... don't you have other things going on? I'm not trying to make it seem like you don't have a life, but I feel like you're wasting the life you already have. You're wasting it on me. I can't help but feel bad about it." I look shyly at the sheets next to me as I feel Josh settle back next to me. The anger in his eyes diminished, most likely being swallowed by the sadness filling them instead. He extends his arm out and puts in around my shoulder, letting out a sigh in the process.

"Tyler," he starts in that tone that makes me feel calm. "I don't care about my life right now. Nothing eventful is happening anyhow. Right now, I care about you. I don't want you to get bad again. Understand? So, until I know you're gonna be okay, I'm staying."

My heart thuds hard against my chest. How did I get so lucky to have a friend like Josh?

"Okay. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to feel confined to, well, me." I say empathetically.

"Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

"I never would."
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here's just a short lil thing since I haven't been very active in a while.

please enjoy.

also I started a short story called the field where i died. go check it out :)

stay alive, frens |-/

e.r.