the boy with bright blue hair

key

7/13

I haven't written in a while. Not too much has been happening lately, but I still should've written something. Anything. This is just for me, I must remind myself. It's not good to suppress how I feel. Anyway, let's talk some happy stuff. I'm starting to feel very emo writing this.

I've been spending a lot of time with Josh lately. And by a lot I mean a LOT. We've gotten much closer now, which feels very strange, yet I wouldn't want it to go away. My parents think he's good for me. I mean, they're not wrong. He did basically save my life. Anyway, we've been going out a lot, and I've been spending a lot of time at his house. I spent the Fourth of July with him, and even though I hate fireworks and always have, they didn't seem so bad this year. I met his brother and sisters and his parents and wow this really sounds like we're dating. Okay I should stop with the Josh rant now before it gets weird.

So basically, in the few weeks I haven't written, it's pretty much been my room, Josh, some time with my parents, Josh, couple therapy sessions, oh, and did I mention Josh?

What a guy.

Stay Alive.

..::..

"Tyler?"

A look over at the boy calling my name. His face is full of concern, but then again, maybe he should be concerned.

"Josh, I already told you, I'm fine." I let out a sigh. "I just want to forget anything ever happened. Move on with my life."

It feels like this conversation has become routine, at this point. Week after week, Josh is trying to make sure I'm okay, which I suppose is great, but now I'm getting a little pissed off and how sincere he is.

I look away from Him and down at my scarred hands. They're shaky. Or at least, more than usual.

Josh gets quiet.

"Okay. I just want to make sure, you know? It doesn't exactly make me feel easy that my best friend nearly killed himself a few weeks ago." He grunts.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, Josh, I really am. I didn't... I'm just sorry. I know how you feel." The words escape my mouth before I can stop them.

"Wha- w- what? You do?" He doesn't sound angry or mocking. He sounds surprised.

I shut up real quick.

"Oh, um, never mind, forget it." I try to push it aside.

"Tyler?"

"Josh, I said forget it."

"Tyler..."

"I said forget it!"

"Tyler!" He shouts at me. I look at him, I can feel the rage building up in me. But he looks... scared.

Josh eyes my hands. They're erratic. It looks as if I have Parkinson's. "Oh," I say, sounding defeated.

I look back up at Josh, worry painted over my face like a mask. He returns my gaze, then goes back to my hands. He takes his hands, and puts them on my own, grasping them.

They settle within a few seconds.

"Thank you."

I mean, they're not wrong.

Josh lets go and walks to the other side of his room, shuffling through some dvd's. He pulls one out and throws it at me.

Donnie Darko.

"Sick."

Josh pops the movie in and we lie back on his bed.

After maybe an hour of me contently watching the movie and Josh... well being a little distracted, I pause it.

"Dude?"

Josh finally snapped out of his daydream before realizing he had been staring at Tyler for a majority of the movie.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I... I don't know." He began to blush embarrassingly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. I let out a laugh, slapping his back, easing him.

"It's okay, I get that a lot." I laugh. Josh rolls his eyes, laughing as well. Suddenly, something I forgot to mention earlier pops into my head.

I grasp around a little in my pocket before I pull out a silver key. My attention turns to Josh, who's looking at me with confusion.

"Here," I say, handing it to him. He seems a little taken back, but takes it anyway.

"Wha-"

"It's to my house," I cut him off before he can say anything else. "I had it made for you."

Josh still seems speechless.

"But, why?" He asks, inspecting the key engraved with Joseph.

"Because," I pause for dramatic effect. "I'm so deeply in love with you, I wanted to have this because I couldn't afford a ring." I say, kneeling on one knee.

He punches me.

"No, seriously, dude what is this for?"

"Well, it's for in case, ya know, something were to happen again, you wouldn't have to break the back door." The words come out as if they were a question, but Josh's laugh tune it out.

"Hey, technically I didn't brake the door, I broke the lock." He chuckles.

"Whatever, we still had to get a new door." I  laugh. "So, it opens the front and the back, and it's yours." I shrug. He looks at it one more time then at me.

Next thing I know I'm being pulled in for a hug.

I can't help but roll my eyes. Josh seems to do this a lot, and not for much reason either. But, none the less, I hug back.

Once he lets go, I smile at him.

"What was that for this time?" I question.

"For trusting me the way you do." He pauses, looking at the ground. "And for being the friend you are after... all that's happened."

My smile fades and I stare at the ground, too. Josh extends out his arm and places his hand where mine is resting on the edge of the bed.

I look up at him, a small smile resting on the face.

"Thank you." I manage out. He looks confused, but his smile doesn't leave his face.

"For what?"

"Everything."
_______________________________

well I suck at writing whoops.

writers block sucks plus that fact that I have no motivation to finish this so apologies.

stay alive, frens |-/

e.r.