Finding Solace In You.

Chapter 5

Watercolors

Ghazal checked her after lunch schedule, she was free for one hour that meant, she could easily pick Adam from his school and could bring him here. It was her father's duty, to pick Adam after she had joined her job but Ghazal didn't want to leave Adam alone for a minute at her home, knowing about the tactics of her sister-in-law. Ghazal was astounded at her words and actions she did to show her displeasure for herself and Adam, even in the presence of her own father-in-law.

Ghazal entered the canteen and felt as if she entered the most talkative place on the whole planet. She knew at every lunch hour, the seats got full and she had to take a bench in the garden. But she was happy because that place in the garden was the calmest and peaceful seat, the most she wanted.

"I am sorry. Did I hurt you?"

An old lady asked as she got bumped into Ghazal due to the overcrowding.

"Certainly not, mam."

Ghazal deciphered that the lady was sort of uncomfortable in this heavy crowd just like her.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, actually I was looking for lunch."

Ghazal nodded in understanding. She looked at her surroundings and spotted an empty seat. She took the old lady's hand in hers and made her way through the crowd.

"You sit here. I will fetch the lunch for you."

Ghazal told her and began to make two plates of lunch. Today's special dish was Paneer Tikka. Ghazal didn't like it very much but needed something for the energy.

"Here you go, mam."

"May Allah bless you, my child."

The old lady's face lit up seeing her plate and Ghazal found pure gratitude in her eyes.

"Where are you going?"

The lady asked as she saw Ghazal leaving her alone in the canteen.

"Actually mam I prefer my lunch in the garden."

The old lady stood up carefully holding her plate and here Ghazal was confused as to what was happening?

"Come, we will have our lunch together there."

Ghazal smiled.

"So, tell me something about yourself."

The old lady just had taken her first morsel when she initiated the conversation with a question that made Ghazal extremely nervous. Because there were many things in her life which she wanted to hide from the world, and this question slowly dug out her every single secret.

"I am Ghazal Fatima and I work as a Psychiatrist here.", Ghazal said focusing her eyes on the distant neem. The lady hummed in response to Ghazal to continue.

"That's it."

"That's it? What about your family?"

Ghazal pursed her lips and looked for a minute at the lady, she bit her lower lip pressuring her mind to think, how much information she could share with her?

"I am a single mother of a three-year-old kid."

"That is nice. A strong woman, I see."

Ghazal looked at the lady surprised at hearing words of praise for her and also as the lady patted her head in adoration. She wasn't like the typical ladies who used to distance themselves from her hearing her truth. Ghazal let out a sigh, she didn't know much about her gesture but it was maybe a sigh of relief of getting something or someone new in this journey of her life.

"Now your turn," Ghazal said placing one of the grilled onion in her mouth.

"I am here with Haaris Yousuf. He is my grandson."

***

"Happy?"

He asked in a rough voice to his father whose face was an epitome of amusement. Haaris had just taken the first dose of his medical detox. He had to surrender because his father hadn't left any option for him, using his biggest weakness against him, his Nanna.

But what he would do now? Because there was nothing in this world which could save him from his dark past except that oblivion, that bitter and forbidden taste which used to be a great part of him. By taking it, he used to forget everyone, everything, every single thing of his life. But what he would do now?

" I am more than happy." His father's amused voice boiled his blood to a new extent.

"I am just doing it for Nanna."

"As you say, my son."

Mr. Yousuf shrugged with a telltale smile on his lips. The click of the door broke Haaris's furious glare which was as usually directed towards his father.

"Amma..."

Mr. Yousuf moved ahead with a smile and made her sit on the chair beside his son's bed.

"Had your lunch?"

"Ah!", Nanna's eyes brightened with a glint of happiness, "Had more than ever. The staff is very nice here."

Nanna was talking to both of them excitedly, while Mr. Yousuf was listening to her chatter with a smile, Haaris's eyes began to close due to boredom.

His eyes suddenly opened when he heard a sudden crash. Pin drop silence was enveloping the whole room and its resident was only him and the darkness.

"Noooo..."

He started shaking his head furiously, trying to move the haunted memories which were crawling in his head.

"Please. No..."

Haaris was shouting on a great octave that it was a miracle that his voice was still intact. Suddenly the room washed out in the light, he heard too much hustle around him. His brain was aching from the penetrating pain and all he could think was his haunted past and nothing.

"Mr. Haaris." A soft but authoritative voice called him.

"Open your eyes for me. "

The order was given and when he didn't obey it, it was repeated twice. Finally, he slowly opened his eyes, afraid to see the flashes of his past but all he got to see was that doctor and his father.

"How are you feeling? " Doctor asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I-I was i-i-in my c-car."

Haaris said checking his surroundings once again but he was in his hospital bed, away from everything.

***

Ghazal shook her head at his statement.

"It must be some nightmare, Mr. Haaris," she looked at Mr. Yousuf whose face was dripping with worry. "It can happen due to the dosage of detox, as a withdrawal symptom."

"Don't try to blame me. I know I am correct."

Yes, and the sun is pink.

What was wrong with this man? Rudeness was overloaded in him. Why couldn't he understand that she was the doctor here not him? When she got to know that lady was Haaris's grandmother, she was beyond shocked. A person full of joy, optimism and the other was just the total opposite. Ghazal knew how much she stopped herself to yell at him for his bitterness, something was due to the fear of Lord in her heart and something was due to Haaris was going through the same problem as her husband. An addiction to the forbidden was sucking him, slowly, very slowly.

That time when she heard his ear-piercing shouts, her heart jumped in its place. It was so much full of pain and fear that her eyes had become moist just hearing them.

"Mam, Adam has woken up."

Ghazal nodded at the nurse who was looking after sleeping Adam. After picking him up from his school, she had made sure that Adam would be comfortable in the hospital. Despite it being slightly difficult, as she had to manage it in between her work schedule, Ghazal had fed him lunch, listened to his chattering and given him some coloring pages and after that Adam had gone to sleep in her lap when she had heard Haaris's shouts.

"Mr. Yousuf, I want to discuss something."

Ghazal's eyes flickered towards Haaris who was still giving daggers to her. Mr. Yousuf nodded and left his room following her. An anxious-looking nurse was standing outside the room with Adam who was ready to cry at any minute. Ghazal hurriedly took him in her arms and began to pat his back. She noted Mr. Yousuf's eyes on Adam for a couple of minutes till she started speaking.

"Sir, as we are giving him detox. He will get depressed day by day and some other withdrawal symptoms can emerge. "

"What can we do for it?"

"Try to spend more and more time with him. There is something which is scaring him and if he is alone, he will be thinking his past more."

Mr. Yousuf nodded in understanding.

"I am going to start his rehab session from tomorrow, In Shaa Allah. Some problems will be solved by that also."

"Yes, doc. "

"Keep him away from dark. Generally, patients are afraid o-"

"Ma, can we go home?" Adam requested patting her cheek and stopping her speech in midway. Ghazal gave an embarrassed smile, "Ok, sir. If there is something more, I will let you know."

"Yes definitely. MashaAllah nice kid." Mr. Yousuf smilingly patted Adam's head and moved inside.

***

"So, it seems you haven't fill any of the information."

Haaris heard that doctor saying glancing at the blank pages in her hand. It was more than enough that he got admitted here in this silly rehab program and she was keeping her expectations very high thinking he would listen to her orders.

Not getting any reply, the doctor glared at him with furrowed brows.

"May I ask you why?"

"I am not liable to follow your rules."

In response, the pages were thrown in his lap. The nerve of this woman, she was underestimating Haaris Yousuf.

"You have to follow my rules anyhow or else I have many other ways too."

"Oh, sure doctor. I will like to see you try," Haaris said with a smirk, "You know my one order and you are out of this hospital."

"You know my only one medicine and you are away from this world."

It was the most dreadful comeback, he had never thought about, Haaris was unable to reply anything for a time being.

"I am Ghazal Fatima and I will be handling your Rehab sessions." He didn't reply anything so Dr. Ghazal continued.

"Tell me about yourself."

Haaris still remained silent not even looked at her. He was not in the mood to answer her questions.

"Ok, tell me about your family."

"You are just wasting your time, doctor."

"You are too. You don't have any good to do in your life but my time is precious. "

"Oh, really. Then why don't you just get the hell out of here."

Haaris screamed out of his lungs but Dr. Ghazal neither flinched nor her expressions changed. She was staring at him blankly.

"You can't get rid of me so easily."

"Whatever."

Dr. Ghazal remained in his room for a whole one hour, bugging him with her questioning. But he was adamant and stubborn, not giving her a single answer.

Why would he share his problems with her? Who was she to ask him? He felt an extra sense of victory whenever he gave a silence as a response to her questions. It was his life, his pathetic life which he had spent on his own without any dependence and still he could live on his own.

Dr. Ghazal silently stood up from her place, "Fill up this information as soon as possible. We will meet in the next session." She moved past Yawar who was standing on the threshold watching them with amusement.

***

No, it couldn't happen. He had to do something for this. It felt like someone was snatching an important of himself. No, he couldn't let that happen. Somebody must help him, his father. Yes, his father could help him.

But, why he was watching everything silently?

"Papa. Where is mummy going? Stop her."

"Let her go, Haaris. She will not listen to us."

His family was not a normal one, unlike his many friends. It was dysfunctional, Haaris never spent a day of his life with peace. Because he used to wake up with shouts of their arguments and went to sleep with it as well. He never understood why they both never ever agreed on a single point?

But despite all of this, he loved both of them and wanted to live with both of them in their house just like a small happy family.

"Mummy where are you going?"

His heart was thudding furiously seeing his mother packing hastily and how her expressions were looking somewhat, indifferent.

She didn't answer and after she finished her task at hand, she made him sit on the bed.

"Promise me. Promise me you will take care of yourself."

"Can I come with you?"

"No. You will be happy here. "

Haaris tightly held her hand, praying silently in his heart that she would understand what he was feeling. He was just another teenager, his life should be ordinary. Why it was full of twists and turns?

At last, he was standing outside his gate watching his mother getting in some stranger's car. Seeing them both together, he began to understand why his mother never tried to be happy with his dad.

But what about Haaris? Couldn't they compromise their happiness for him? Why couldn't they live together just for the sake of his happiness?

A piece of his heart broke and fell, but now Haaris was away from feeling any kind of pain.