Living Your Lie (boyxboy)

Chapter 4

Now, I played the card of being more mature. Which wasn't necessarily true. I just used it because I'd rather people respect me for not being a player than having them be disgusted by the fact that I was gay. Either way, it got me out of having to get with girls or pretend like I wasn't interested even though I was actually pretending to be a straight guy who wasn't interested.

It could be confusing sometimes. Now that I was older and made my own decisions--like skipping half of the parties--and was more sure of myself in a lot of ways, it got easier. I really felt like I was beginning to understand myself better. Even if there was a major part of myself that was scared and insecure beyond hell. It was better to know who I was and accept it--in private, mostly--than to try and delude myself.

"You're such a perv sometimes, man," I said, checking back into the conversation with my friend. He opened his mouth to say something, maybe protest, but I made eye contact with Dakota in that instant. He was walking around the side of the building, coming towards us. I cut Anthony off with a, "I gotta go do something, catch you later."

I sped up my pace, trying to reach Dakota. The second our eyes had met, he'd turned on his heel and practically ran off. I could hear Anthony's confused voice calling behind me as I walked along the pavement, but I was too distracted to register anything he said. I was only focused on catching up to Dakota. The spring sunshine was almost making me sweat as I nearly ran across campus.

Once I finally got close enough to Dakota--that boy had some seriously long legs--the warning bell for class was going off and we were clear from eyes and ears. Mostly all the students had slunk off into a building for their next class or lunch. But not me or Dakota. We were now just kind of standing awkwardly outside, waiting for the other to say something.

Figuring it should be me, since I literally chased him down, I took a deep breath. "Look man, about the other day...we're cool, right?"

Dakota narrowed his eyes at me and said something I hadn't been expecting. "What are you playing at, Sinclair?"

I looked at him in bemusement. "What?"

"Why are you lying to everyone?" he asked, more direct this time. I wasn't sure if I preferred that question more or not. Probably not. "Better yet, why are you doing it? With that tool of a Panther? If people find out, you're so fucking dead."

I scoffed. "Excuse you! Rude much? And that 'tool' has a name. It's Dante."

"At least you admit he's a tool," Dakota pointed out. He crossed his defined arms and fixed me with a look.

"Whatever, man. You don't know anything about us, so kindly back the fuck off."

Dakota took a step closer to me and I took half of one back. "I know that you were giving him a blowjob Friday night. I can't unsee something like that. And that's pretty much all I need to know. If the guys from the team hear about it, they'll be pissed. How the hell do we always lose to them? We've never beat them. Is it because you purposely throw the game? Just so he'll keep fucking you?"

That was enough. This kid was seriously starting to piss me off. Not to mention, he was hitting a little too close to home and jabbing at some of the buttons that made me question whether or not Dante really liked me. Of course I would never throw a game, especially not for Dante, but that didn't matter because we always lost to them anyway.

What did keep me up at night sometimes, though, was the worry that if we did ever beat his team, would he be upset with me? Would he just break everything off? I knew it was dumb to think like that, but come on. This was me we were talking about, and I had some of the most fucked up self-conscious thoughts known to man. Thinking things like that was pretty much a guarantee.

I glared daggers at Dakota and pushed him back a few steps by his shoulders. "I do not appreciate being accused of stupid shit by you. I'm your captain, here, so treat me like it. I care about this team probably way more than you ever could and I would never jeopardize a game or risk tanking the season. You wanna know the real reason we always lose to them? They're fucking better than us. That's all there is to it!"

"Whatever!" Dakota snapped.

He looked about as pissed off as I felt. But I had no idea why. In my opinion there was no reason he should be acting like this. It was ridiculous. He shoved past me and started to walk away and then the bell went off. Dakota swore under his breath and I caught his arm in my hand. He stared at it for a second before shaking it off.

"Don't touch me," he said, forcing a calm voice through clenched teeth.

I pursed my lips in irritation for a moment. "It's not like it's contagious, Jesus Christ."

"That's not even the point," he quipped, glaring at me.

"Then what is?" I asked, confused more than ever.

"Just--nothing, dude. Leave it alone."

"Why are you acting like such a little bitch about this? I just want to know that I can trust you, okay? You said it yourself. If the team finds out, they will castrate me and jump to the same conclusion you did. I can't have that. It's my last season and captainship is a big fucking deal," I said, letting my voice grow softer. "I can't lose this."

Dakota groaned and ran a hand over his face in clear frustration. His eyes were full of exasperation as they gazed at my face. "Why are you risking all this for an asshole like him, though?"

"Because," I said stubbornly with all the intelligence of rock. "And he's not an asshole."

Well he was sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time, but he had his moments. The other night at my house being one of them, and enough to keep me hanging onto him like a leech.

Dakota snorted, obviously not impressed with my answer. "I'm sure you could find someone else. Someone from our school. Or hell, just about anyone who isn't the captain of the Panthers. You're really pushing it, Harley. This could go really badly for you."

I sighed. "But it also might not."

"Might."

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to think about how true his statement probably was. "Look, can I trust you, Dakota? You don't have to do anything different. We don't have to talk more. We don't have to be best-fucking-friends. You just need to forget what you saw the other night," I said. "It's as simple as that."

"As if it were that simple," he muttered. I saw annoyance flash through his sea-green eyes and across his gorgeous face.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Leave it! Just give me some time to process this shit."

"Don't tell anyone," I said, my voice some mix of desperation and a warning.

Dakota made a face at me. "I won't. Stop freaking out."

The second he said those words, I actually felt my shoulders relax. I felt my breathing grow easier and I smiled. "Thank fuck. Thank you so much!"

Dakota pursed his lips and started to walk away once more. Before I could even stop myself, I hastily attacked him with a nanosecond-long hug. I was feeling so elated, I just needed to do that. I didn't really care if it made the other boy uncomfortable or upset. I wanted to be selfish for one moment. So I stole the hug and then I was running off, passing a hall monitor on the way and barely talking him out of referring me to detention.

None of it mattered, though, because for now I was safe. Dakota was going to keep my and Dante's secret and it would all be okay.