Dear journal,
Today was such a crazy day. I sat at Camila Cabellos lunch table and im pretty sure I might have a chance with her if I dont mess anything up. A girl Steph gave me 40,000 dollars after killing the new exchange student also lol like wtf haha idek what happened tbh. Oh I feel like I should feel bad for not calling the cops but I was too consumed on my plans with the money. Im planning on getting genital surgery and umm.. Yeah getting a big ass dick lol. Fun so yeah but I dont think I'll be ready to come out and tell anyone. This is actually kind of scary. I'll be 18 so Im legally allowed however I know my parents would probably like kill me or something. They wont find out... I hope.... Eh itll be fine.
I closed the journal and stared up at the ceiling with a slight smile.
*ring ring*
Ugh whos calling me?
Oh its her!!! I took a deep breath and answered the phone.
"Hey its Camila, I hope im not interrupting anything"
"No not at all, whats up"
"Um can we meet after school?"
Ugh I cant I need get the surgery. Fuck. Think quick Lauren!! Its either camila or the surgery... I thought so hard in which I felt I was taking forever.
"Um lauren? Hello?..."
I was taking so long...
"Uh yeah sorry I cant I have plans" I said it so worridly she probably thought I hated her. Last time she asked to hang out after school I said no too. Ugh I shouldve said yes this time.
"Oh ok. See you in school Lo" she answered, then hanging up before I could even say goodbye in return.
*****************
Hey journal,
The next day in school I sat at her table again but it was different... She seemed like she didnt like me and whenever I said something that made the group laugh, she made a disgusted face as if something smelled wretched. I wanted to ask her what was wrong or if she was mad at me but I felt she probably didnt want to talk about it. After all, she said nothing to me all day. I felt horrible. She definitely isnt going to give me the 1975 album tomorrow.
Bye.
From,
Biggest fuckin idiot alive.
*********************
Of course I arrived at school the same time as Camila again. I noticed that she saw me from the corner of her eye and didnt even say hi to me or even acknowledge me. She didnt even say happy birthday and neither did my parents. This has to be the shittiest eighteenth birthday ever. I think the best thing to do is to just talk to her so I ran up to her and called her name along the away about three times. The third time she finally looked back at me and decided to wave and give me a sheepish smile.
"Hi Lauren" she said plainly.
"Camila did I do something wrong? You've been acting like you hate me lately and im sorry for whatever I did I just-" I almost finished my sentence when she cut me off with a soft kiss. I adjusted to her lips and placed my curved index finger under her chin and my thumb on the center on her chin. She wrapped her arms around my waist and slowly lowered her left hand down onto the back of me. Her lips were so warm and soft and she parted our lips slowly. I was so confused but I didnt really care. My face tingled and my stomach dropped. It was the best feeling ever.
"Its okay... As long as you dont tell anyone I just did that" she whispered.
"Wait, what was that about?" I asked.
We both stared at each other and smiled. Our smile turned into giggles and all she did was shrug.
"Happy birthday Jauregui" she winked at me and walked the opposite way to her locker. We both looked back at each other and she gave me a girly wave goodbye.
What just happened?
I texted her
You and me, after school tomorrow? My house?
I saw her check her phone from across the hall. She smiled from ear to ear.
Aw. Nice to have you ask for once ;) Sure thing.
I smiled so big down the halls as I walked off to spanish class until I realized that Selena wouldnt be there. As much as I never really cared for her, I still had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that not telling what happened was wrong but if I ever told Stephanie would turn against me and I cant afford to be kicked out of another lunch table.
When class started the teacher read Selenas obituary to the class and Justin ran out of the classroom on the verge of tears. Even though I didnt do it, I still felt somewhat guilty and it was almost eating me up inside.
Even when it came time for lunch seeing Stephanie made my stomach turn. Camila gave me the 1975 album that I asked for. I dont know why but she was also flirting with me. Until, Ally arrived....
"Oh Lauren its your birthday, I just came to say happy birthday little bitch." Ally was such a ray of sunshine in front of adults but when it came to us she was the complete opposite.
Camila shook her head at me to stop me from saying anything unnecessary.
"Thanks" was all I said.
"Mila, why are you shaking your head? Youre on her side? You always were such a trader. Never ever had my back in any situation. I dont even know how you have friends you're so two faced you act like you're so goody goody."
Ally was going way too far with this. Camilas face got so red and she clinched her fists until her knuckles turned white. Ally egged her on begging her to swing but Camila was not going to do anything to her.
Ally took my empty lunch tray,
" Here for your birthday I'LL take your tray for you" she offered. She noticed that my carton of milk was half empty and took it off the table placing it on the tray then pretending to trip leaving chocolate milk all over Camilas white blouse.
Camila cursed and her friends jumped up to get Ally but Ally ran off so I ran Camila to the locker room.
"You can wear my flannel, I have a shirt under it." I assured her.
She thanked me and removed her shirt exposing her Victoria Secret laced bra.
"Um yeah sooo... Youre welcome lets go back to lunch" I said quickly as she finished buttoning the flannel.
