For the Ones We Love (Merlin Fan Fiction)

Chapter Twenty-Two

"You ready?" Merlin asked grimly when I got back to him.

I nodded shortly. "Let's go."

We climbed onto our horses and started moving. We didn't talk and I could tell Merlin didn't  want to, so I said nothing. His thoughts called to me like a succulent piece of pork, but I'd decided to respect his privacy.

About a mile out, I heard the snap of twigs behind us. I turned my head to look. At first, I saw nothing, but then again, the trees were clumped close together, making for many places to hide.

Mordred had to step out from behind a tree for me to see him. He put a finger to his lips, signaling for me to stay quiet, and waved goodbye.

I waved back, feeling a sad smile break onto my face.

He returned the smile and watched us for a moment as Merlin and I grew farther from him. Then he took a few steps back and became hidded by the bushes behind him.

"Who were you waving at?" Merlin asked, slowing down enough to look back.

I turned and straightened my back. "No one. Let's keep going." Without looking at Merlin, I urged Stella to go faster.

We rode in near silence until lunch time. The quiet was only broken when decisions had to be made. No unneeded words were exchanged.

Merlin let out a long sigh as he bit into his apple. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't look up. Neither of us had made eye contact since we set out that morning.

I wasn't sure what was causing the unease.

"So, who's mad at who?" Merlin asked, breaking the silence and making me jump. "Am I mad at you, or are you mad at me?"

"What?" I didn't understand exacty what he was asking. He'd know if he was mad at me, right? So why was he asking? "I'm not... mad at you." I had trouble saying the words, though they were true. I really wasn't mad at him, I was just a little frustrated. He was keeping things from me and I didn't like it.

"Then it must be me whose mad at you," he murmured. He didn't show his usual smile or crack a dumb joke, however. He just continued eating.

We finished and rode on within a quarter of an hour.

I don't like this, Stella told me after a while.

I was immediately on guard. Do you sense something? I asked.

Stella nickered. No. I let my defenses fall. I don't like the fact that you're going back to that place. You were in so much danger.

Here, I'm in danger, but anywhere else, everyone I love is in danger.

Emotions are fickle. You humans need to learn to live without love. Everything would be so much easier.

I rolled my eyes.

"What's she saying?"

Merlin's voice startled me.

"What?" I asked.

"What's Stella saying?"

"Oh, she just doesn't think it's a good idea to go back to Camelot." I spoke the sentence quickly, hoping he couldn't catch all of it. Unfortunately, Merlin had spent enough time taking orders from Prince Arthur to know how to catch every word said no matter how fast they were spoken.

"Do you agree with her?"

I didn't look at Merlin. I could sense his longing for me to say no. Even if he was mad, he still had feelings for me. "No," I whispered. It was the truth.

Merlin grunted, but said nothing more. We rode in silence for a few moments, neither of us looking at the other. "Why didn't you come back sooner?" Merlin asked finally. I knew he'd been wanting to ask it for some time.

"For many months, I stayed, waiting for Talon to come to consciousness, but he never did." I took a deep breath, buying me more time to think. "The druids were kind to me. They're like me. Camelot was the first place I'd been able to think of as home since I left Caarleon years ago, but with the druids, I felt accepted. Acceptance was something Camelot always lacked."

"What about your promise?"

I stared ahead, fearing what I'd find if I looked at Merlin. "I assumed you'd have moved on. Found someone else. Fallen in love with a scullery maid or some such other girl." I felt Merlin's eyes boring into me. "And I was right, wasn't I?" I couldn't hold it back any longer. I whipped my head around and met Merlin's eyes.

"Freya," Merlin whispered. His horse stopped walking, but I kept going, no longer looking at the man.

We should leave him here. It would serve him right, Stella thought.

Shut up, I growled silently. I pulled her to a stop and looked to see if Merlin was following. He wasn't, so I looped back around.

Merlin looked at me silently for a long moment. "She... she didn't replace you. She wasn't meant to replace you."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

"No one could ever replace you."

I smiled hollowly. I knew he meant it, but we had both changed. I could see in his eyes--without delving--that he knew this too. How much had we changed, though? Were we the same people we were when we fell in love two years ago? Would we ever be those people again?

The trees around us stirred as the wind blowed. The sky above had quickly gone from clear blue to a thick, stormy gray. The air, though I hadn't noticed before, was now moist and the birds had stopped singing. A storm was coming.

"We need to get going," I said, peeling my eyes away from Merlin and glancing up at the sky. Why didn't you tell me a storm was coming?

You told me to shut up.

I bit back an order that, if followed, would have put both her and me in a sticky situation. Just... keep walking. 

Stella nickered and obliged. If she were human, she would have been laughing at me.

"We're not going to make it back before it starts raining!" Merlin yelled over the wind. "We've still got a good hour to go!"

We'll be fine, I thought at him. Sure, we may get a little wet, but what fun is staying dry?

Together, we rode on.