Call Me Ella (ft. Niall Horan)

Chapter 20 - Breakup

Niall is an idiot. He did this to her, he should’ve spared her all this pain.

“Thank you,” she says with a weak smile. “Really, thank you.”

“I’ll help you with your luggage,” I say with a polite smile and she nods.

And like that is how I help Zoe, Niall’s ex girlfriend, to leave the resort, feeling terrible but at the same time good because I made her smile in her crisis. I hope she goes to a friend now, someone who can give her all the comfort she needs. I honestly wish her the best.

And now that Zoe is gone, now that she’s not part of Niall’s life anymore… I don’t know how to feel. He definitely doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore, he’s single, he finally sorted that out. Yes, it wasn’t the best way and someone ended really hurt, but still.

What does this mean to me? How does this affect me? He said last night that he wanted to find his mystery girl and I know that I’m that girl, but at the same time I’m not. I know I kind of have feelings for Niall, but what? That doesn’t change that he doesn’t really like me but the character I was playing that night. I can’t make him forget about finding that girl.

It’s fine, I tell myself. I have to stay strong, I have to draw the lines. He’s still a celebrity, he’s still a guest here and I’m just an employee.

Regardless of what I feel, Niall is still the mega star that everyone is talking about. He’s still one of Rhonda favourite kind of people and I can’t like nor even try to have something with one of them. Accepting I want something with Niall would be like lowering myself to Rhonda’s level, it would be like accepting her invitation to join her party.

I won’t have the retreat centre back, I don’t want to fight that woman and I know I just can’t change it to what it was before. It would never be what Dad started, even if I try. All I have, all my consolation to bear with what Rhonda has done is not accepting celebrities. It’s my way to protest against the system, I guess, by not being part of the game.

I don’t want Niall, he’s a celebrity. I’m not part of the system. I refuse to be part of Rhonda’s game.

He’s a celebrity.

Yeah, like you still care about that, my conscience makes its input and I groan, trying not to think of that.

+ + + + +

Despite what I’ve told myself the whole day, despite that I know it’s not a good idea —and apparently I’m made of bad decisions this day— I go to the stables after dinner. I try not to, I swear I try to stay at my room. I even grab Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone just because I think it would be good to read the saga for the millionth time, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work! I find myself walking towards the stables because I want to see him, because I want him to tell me he broke up with Zoe.

Can anyone tell me when I lost my brains?

I know I should put distance between us because I most likely will end up pretty much like Zoe, if I ever allow my feelings for him to grow stronger. Yet I’m the imbecile who walks to where I most likely will find him.

Why can’t anyone shoot me in the head and end this stupidity?

When I walk in he’s already there, smiling and talking to Persephone as he plays with her mane. I stay at the doors of the stable, just watching him. He looks different from the other nights, he looks more alive, with energy. His smile… his smile is as honest and bright as it was that night at the ball and I wonder if it’s because of Zoe.

Was he feeling so terrible about all that?

Persephone sees me and snorts in a greeting, which alerts Niall of my presence and he turns to meet my eyes. His smile widens and I feel a jab in my chest, a different kind just before it races and makes me shiver.

How can one simple smile make me feel all that in one second?

“Ella!” He exclaims and he sounds so happy. “I didn’t know if you were gonna come tonight. I’m glad you did.”

“You really look happy and I doubt it’s only because of me, although it wouldn’t be weird. Charlie says I’m very charming,” I joke and he smiles.

“I’d like to meet your friends,” he says because yeah, I’ve told him about Charlie and Liv, not much but that they are what I consider my family. “They sound like amazing people. I bet they would get along with the lads.” And yeah, he’s also told me about his friends and how they are like family. I haven’t interacted with the other members, but they do seem nice. They look like normal boys, pretty much like Charlie. “Anyways, yeah I’m happy and that you came makes me even happier.”

My heart does a flip in my chest at his words and his bright smile. I approach a bit closer, a bit nervous, as well. “Oh really?”

“Yeah, I have good news!” He really sounds excited but I lose my smile because I don’t think he is talking about how he decided to become a potterhead. I think he means his breakup. He shouldn’t be that happy about it, though. Maybe it’s the first option after all. “I did it. I finally did it and it wasn’t nice, but I had to do it.” I look at him raising my eyebrows to let him know that I don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. For all what I know he could be talking how he started reading the first book. “I broke up with Zoe.”

“That makes you this happy?” I ask, incredulity filling my voice and he blushes. A guy shouldn’t be this happy for breaking up with his girlfriend.

“Yeah, I mean…it’s not that I’m happy because she was sad and I guess I broke her heart, but… I couldn’t be with her anymore. It wasn’t fair for her, and Zayn says that it’s for the best, that now she’ll find someone better for her.” Which is what I told her this morning, but I don’t share that bit with Niall. “I’m happy because I finally gathered the courage, or how Louis said, I grew the balls I needed.”

I can’t help it, I chuckle at the expression and he smiles warmly. “But aren’t you a bit sad about it?” I ask because I just can’t quite believe he’s this happy.

“A bit, I guess. We were together for a long time and it was a great part of my life. We were happy, but we weren’t happy anymore, you know? None of us. This was the best and she’s free now, she can move on.”

“And what about you?” I ask and my hands are shaking because I don’t really know what I’m expecting to hear. That he gave up and finally understood that looking for Mystery Girl was hopeless?

Niall stares into my eyes, so intently I feel my heart racing even more in my chest and I feel like not only my hands are shaking now, my whole body is. His smile doesn’t disappear and that makes me even more nervous.

“Now I’m free to look for my mystery girl.”

And with those words, as easily as that, he breaks my heart. I guess I was indeed waiting for him to give up on that and want me, the girl in front of him right now. But he doesn’t want that girl.

“You think you’ll find her?” I inquire, my voice a bit strangled and his smile grows wider.

“I know I’ll find her and we’ll get to know each other. I know she’s special, I have to find her.”

I nod because I can’t articulate a word and I try to tell myself that I don’t like him, that he’s a celebrity and I don’t allow myself to fancy famous people, but I can’t fool myself, can I?

“Well,” I speak and I have to gulp to swallow the lump in my throat. “I hope you can find her and that she’s worth all the trouble.”

“I’m sure she is,” he says, so confident that it breaks my heart even more.

You’ll never find her, Niall. Never, I say in my mind. Because you don’t want me and I’m standing right in front of you. You’ll never suspect I’m the girl you’re looking for and I won’t tell you because I don’t want to disappoint you. Sometimes it’s better to live in the fantasy.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @iDirectioner69. I think that we are the blind ones because he is fucking Niall Horan. For Ella, he's just Niall. She doesn't love him like we do, she's not a fan. She's getting to know him, slowly, like any normal girl would do.

Bel, xx