The Heartthrob Won't Leave

Chapter Eleven (New Chapters)

She pulled her phone from her pocket, quick to send her fingers across the touch keyboard.

Why is he here? You never told me he'd be coming.

Within seconds she got a response.

I needed a ride and he offered.

It was another one of those moments when Blake just couldn't comprehend why on earth Stella made the decisions she did. In those moments, Stella seemed to be just so oblivious, especially to the feelings of others and the potential repercussions of her actions on those feelings.

What about those boys? Jack clearly likes you, Stella. If you show up with Zac he'll be hurt.

Blake, don't be stupid. Jack has nothing to do with my decisions. Who I bring with me is my choice!

Blake knew Stella was right in a way, it was her choice. But, for a person that tries to avoid conflict at all costs, Blake sometimes thought Stella's actions were foolish, it was like she was asking for some kind of fight, whether it was her fighting with other people or people fighting over her. Sometimes, Blake wondered if Stella enjoyed the havoc she caused, if this fighting between people was some sort of pleasure for her. 

But, Blake was always too afraid to ask.

Blake kept her mouth closed as they drove, while the two conversed extensively in the seats in front of her. It mostly consisted of Zac making quips meant to have an effect of humor and Stella somehow morphing them into sexual innuendos. Blake pulled the bottle of lavender oil from her pocket, unclipping the cap and taking a small inhale of its aroma, trying to calm her nerves. It wasn't long until she watched River View Highschool coming into view staring out the window, pulling into the parking lot which seemed to be crammed with vehicles, girls and boys alike walking across the cement. 

She noticed some of the girls had cheer uniforms, with high ponytails and hearts drawn on their cheeks, short skirts, and low-cut tops. In a way, Blake wished she could be as confident as them. But, she suspected that living such a life was also vain, an aspect of life she really didn't want to associate with even a little. It was a double-edged sword, only wanting the good, but unable to accept the misery that comes along with it that no one wants to acknowledge even exists. They got out of the car quickly, Blake quick to try and not lag a few feet behind the others. But, at the stop of one body, she halted her own, watching Stella turn back to look at her.

"Blake? You're Ok right?" she asked, turning around to reach her friend. Blake's heart warmed, seeing the look in Stella's eyes. It so much reminded her of who Stella used to be, the kind soul she was when they were children. Blake nodded her head softly, sure that if she had spoken with words, she might have stuttered, giving Stella the realization of what she was truly feeling. "You know, if it becomes too much, just go to the bathroom if you need to calm down, I'll make up an excuse for you" This Stella, this is the Stella I love. 

Sometimes Blake wondered why she kept Stella as a friend despite the change in her personality she seemed to have gotten over the years. But, at times like this, Blake knew the truth. She stayed with Stella because of the tiny moments, the ones when Stella revealed the small scraps of who she used to be. Because, those scraps were enough for Blake to deal with the rest that came along with it. Another double-edged sword.

"Thanks" she responded softly, giving her friend a reassuring smile. That was the moment when Stella's name was called, and out of the crowd came Jack, the one who had invited her. They hugged for a moment, and talked amongst themselves. But, just watching this guy, the way he looked when he saw Zac. She knew Jack was doing nothing but playing an act with the intention of giving any indication that anything was bothering him. In a way, they weren't so different, nor was anyone else. All playing a balancing act, representing themselves and acting on the wishes of others. It reminded her of that word again. Niche. Where everyone behaved the way everyone else wanted in order for the ecosystem of life to continue to flourish, whatever the true meaning of flourish is in such a context.

"We'll be on the bleachers Jack, cheering you on!" Stella claimed happily, waving away the boy, who happily waved back, another mask to his true feelings. Stella lead the others to the bleachers, getting up to the top rung. Stella sat down first, and Blake strategically sat beside her, the less contact she had with strangers, the slightest bit more comfortable she hoped to be. 

She suspected that Zac would sit on the other side of her, it was the best move for him strategically, as it was the nearest available seat. But, she was quite taken aback when not only did Zac not sit next to her on the wooden painted board, but instead, moved right past her, sitting on the other side of Stella. She suddenly felt foolish, holding hope that Zac would sit beside her instead of Stella, she had realized how ridiculous she sounded. But, this had nothing to do with her feelings toward the boy. 

It reminded her of that time long ago when she had first met Zac, telling him how she wasn't good in social situations. Not only would Zac sitting next to her be strategic for him, but benefit her as well as she wouldn't have to experience the awkwardness of sitting next to a stranger. So, if Zac knew I wasn't good in situations with strangers, why would he consciously make a decision that made it harder for me to be in this situation? She wondered, had he forgotten that day? Or maybe he just didn't care. She wasn't sure which of those two options hurt her more. 

She watched the game start on the field, the rest of the fans on the bleachers cheering as the ball was kicked to begin the battle. For a moment, glancing at the other spectators, she wondered if it would seem weird if she cheered as well, after all, she didn't know any of the people playing, at least not past the first name basis. More people flooded the stands and the moment she dreaded happened, a group of boys that seemed to be their age made their way up the bleachers, one sitting right next to her and his friends sitting on the other side of him. Strangers were indeed strange animals. There was that gap formed when two people sat next to each other when they didn't even know each other's names, and often the gap is physically expressed through the tiniest physical separation between the two, and in this case, it was the few inch gap between her and this stranger.

Did I do something wrong to make this guy leave that gap between us? Did he not like me? Was he disgusted by me?

In the stress, Blake could feel her throat starting to close, her heartbeat increase, and her hands clam. She was about to have a panic attack, and she knew it. But, she couldn't dare make any physical suggestion to such an event. She had to sit still, look happy, and without a care. But, suddenly it just became too much. She had to get out, escape such a prison. She glanced around, assessing the easiest escape route available to her. The bleachers were full of people that if blocked from the view would be upset. So, she turned back, realizing her only option would be the harder one, to climb down from the top row of the bleachers using the multiple slanted metal bars used to keep them standing.