Just A Bromance (Troyler Fanfic) [ Tyler Oakley + Troye Sivan ]

Chapter 12 - Troye's POV

Troye's POV.

I sit crying silently to myself on the toilet in the cramped airplane bathroom. Everything between Tyler and I has been awkward and forced since this morning. He's barely spoken to me, obviously not caring if I hurt myself. I mean, who would? I can't say it didn't hurt a bit to know that he doesn't care enough to even find out why, but the majority of me expected nothing more.

I reach with shaking hands to grab the small carry on bag I had brought into the bathroom with me. Looking down at my thighs and sides, both covered by clothing, I realize that there are already too many cuts in both places.

I shakily take a breath before pulling up my sleeve. This may be stupid to do, but I need this. I can't go any longer without release. I feel empty inside, and when I look in the mirror, I don't see Troye Sivan. I see a broken boy. His hair is matted and his ribs stick out from his body. He has dark circles under his eyes, which are red, tired, and empty.

Some people do this to stop the pain, while others do it simply because they want the pain. I do it because its the only way I can feel. I'm not happy right now...I'm not sad. If you asked me how I feel right now, the only answer I would have for you is empty. I can't feel any emotions and by doing this, I let the emotions back in. I don't know when it started, but it did. And it won't stop.

I feel like there's a voice in my head yelling for me to do it. And I listen to the voice, I drag the blade across my wrist, resulting in 3 shallow cuts and 1 more deep cut. I close my eyes and try to control my breathing a bit, tears falling from my eyes. The voice in my head has shut up and I feel less empty inside, like I can go out there and genuinely laugh with my friends and not have to fake everything.

I'm still holding the blade when a loud knock comes on the door, accompanied by a worried, "Troye?". I jump and the blade falls from my hand, making a loud clang against the floor which was no doubt heard by Tyler, who was at the door.

"Shit." I mutter to myself, reaching down to grab it. Tyler's silent as he tries to turn the knob to come in. When he realizes it's locked, he knocks frantically at the door.

"Troye, open this door and let me in!"

I ignore him and reach for the blade again.

"TROYE I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL GO GET ZOE." I sigh. If he gets Zoe, then Zoe will get Alfie and then they will all know. I slowly reach my hand up and turn the lock and within a second, Tyler is pushing the door open. He gasps slightly but doesn't say anything, closing and locking the door behind him. The bathroom is so cramped, so he is standing almost right up against me, looking down at me. I look down at my lap, tears filling my eyes again. Tyler gets on his knees in front of me and grabs my still bleeding wrist.

"Why?" He whispers, his own eyes filling with tears. The fact that he's getting emotional over this does not help stop my tears. A sob makes its way out of my throat and I just shake my head. He seems to understand that I either can't or just won't talk about it right now. He carefully grabs the blade from my hand and wipes the blood off it, placing it next to him.

I watch him as he reaches over to my bag, pulling out bandages and rubbing alcohol. He weakly smiles at me in apology as he pours some of the liquid over my cuts. I screw my eyes shut and bite my lip, knowing he has to clean my cuts. Once he's done, he bandages them and puts the stuff back in my bag. He takes my wrist back in his hand and brings it up to his mouth, placing a kiss over the cuts. I choke back another sob at the gesture. He stands up, pulling me along with him.

"C'mon, Zoe and Alfie are asleep." He pulls me out of the bathroom, him still holding the blade. We make our way back to the seats, which actually lean back all the way so you can lie down. I watch as Tyler opens a window as far as it can go, and drops my blade from the sky. I gasp. He didn't. He turns to me and gives me a look that says, "oh I did".

Tyler walks back over before laying down on one of the seats. He grabs my waist and pulls me onto the seat with him and I bury my face in his chest, still crying slightly. I feel myself drifting asleep as Tyler whispers unknown words in my ear. I know I will have to talk tomorrow, but right now, I'm exactly where I need to be, in Tyler's arms.

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Authors Note

UPDATE: (yes i realize you can't take blades onto planes but lets pretend this is a private jet type plane okay) ((yes i realize plane windows don't open but 15 year old me did not and wrote that cause she is stupid))

Im sorry I didn't upload yesterday! I'm uploading twice today to make up for that.

Also, before anybody says anything about him cutting again, it's bound to happen. Self harm doesn't just stop one day when you say, "oh I guess I should stop doing that.". It takes time, so yes, Troye is still depressed and upset.

Furthermore, how do you guys think Tyler handled it? Good?

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