outside

chapter 18

"Thanks, Milwaukee! You've been class!" I shouted into the microphone with as much enthusiasm as I could muster up, waving to the thunderous crowd who didn't seem to notice how fake I was acting.

It wasn't their faults that I had been in a shit mood lately, so I wanted to put on an excited facade at least while on stage for them. Yet as soon as I joined the lads backstage, I went right back to feeling sorry for myself. Sure, it was a little ridiculous, but could you blame me? I mean, bloody hell, it was one thing to see one of your best mates cuddled up and snogging with his girlfriend all night but it was another thing when his girlfriend happened to be the girl you fancy's best mate. Some of the things that came out of Maddie's mouth sounded exactly like Kat and it drove me bloody mad.

And Bob...Christ, don't even get me started on Bob. Sure, I loved the lad but did he have to act so fucking clueless? All week it had been "Van, why won't you speak to me?" "Van, lad, what did I do?"

As if he didn't know.

It was obvious Kat had fancied him. I mean, for God's sakes she was all over him while she had been staying with us. Now that she was gone, I didn't miss her being here. Seeing her throw back her brunette head with laughter because of something Bob had said made my stomach turn and I couldn't witness that anymore.

Christ, who am I fucking kidding. I missed her loads.

I missed how when she'd smile, her full cheeks would turn scarlet as she looked down at her feet, completely unaware of how stunning she actually was. I missed how whenever she'd do something confident, she'd shyly play it off even though it always made my heart pound in my chest. I craved for her small frame to be wrapped around mine again, and I wanted to feel her lips against mine, but for real this time.

"Van. Van!" Larry shook my shoulder.

"Fucking what, mate?!" I hollered, snapping back to reality.

"What the hell's been going on with you?" Larry asked. The boys all began to crowd around him, the same expressions all painted on their faces.

"What do you mean?" I shrugged, feigning confusion.

"You know exactly what I mean, lad. You've been on edge all week. Always snapping at someone. What's been bothering ya?"

"Nothin, Larry. Christ, I'm fine." I fought back, ending up yelling even though I hadn't meant to.

"We're just trying to make sure you're okay, mate." Bondy spoke up, lighting a fag and shoving it between his teeth.

"I'm fucking fine, lads! Just leave it!" I yelled, stomping as I exited the room, causing a scene. I was acting like a child, but I didn't care. I just didn't want to be bothered. I wanted to be left alone with my self pity at the fact that the girl I was slowly falling for loved somebody else.

A knock sounded on the bathroom door. I was unaware that I had even led myself in here, my mind escaping me as all I could think about was her.

"Van, mate?" It was Bob. The last person I wanted to see right now.

I got up from my position on the floor and opened the door a bit before turning around and sitting back down. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, running a hand through his voluminous curls.

"What do you want." I snapped. Bob had a hurt expression cross his face and instantly felt bad.

"Van...I'm really sorry. Truly. I don't know what I've done to make you so upset with me, but whatever it is, I'm sorry." He apologized sincerely, looking down at his shoes. Maybe he really didn't know what he did.