I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

I don’t remember the rest; but I was either dead or deeply asleep. But..how can the dead feel? Alright, I was deeply sleeping. I couldn’t tell how long I had been sleeping, it felt for weeks or months. I could hear humming and whispers. After fighting with my eyelids to open, I finally did—victory. Opening my eyes, finding myself in a hospital room. It was obvious, after my awful accident last night, I had to be admitted to the hospital. Recalling the previous night was dreadful, I was shocked at my sister and my…best friend. Something was obviously wrong with me, I had to know it. And I remembered Derrick too..who rescued me last night, I wanted to know if he was here or not. I saw my mother sitting next to me on a chair, she was relieved when I woke up. She leaned near me, held my hand and softly said “Tina, thank God you’re awake.”

I couldn’t respond, felt that my tongue was too heavy to move. I weakly smiled at her though. My father was there too, he smiled when I woke up. After a while, I pulled myself up to ask my mother “Where’s Derrick?”

“Oh, your friend who found you? He’s right out there, he hadn’t left.” She dismissed herself. I closed my eyes back, trying to ignore the severe pain in my head. But I was interrupted again by someone entering the room, it was Derrick. I smiled when he entered, he smirked too. Then sat silently on a chair, looked at me and said;

“Lab partners are useful..see.”

I chuckled as he smiled at me, then awkward silence was between us. His eyes looked tired, as if they hadn’t slept for a decent while. It was cute of him to stay to check on me.

“Thank God you’re okay, Tina.” He tenderly told me.

“Thanks.”

“What made you go out at that time!?”

I swallowed, I was too tired to respond. I made a gesture, hoping that he would understand that I was tired.

“Sorry, I know you’re tired. We can talk later..would you let me visit you soon?”

“Sure.” I said with a weak smile. He departed.

I went back to sleep, hoping to wake up with less pain; and by pain I mean both, physical pain and emotional.

After a week in the hospital, I was finally home. I missed home, honestly. But a part of me wanted to stay in the hospital forever. Back to the painful memories of my not-so-best-friend, Jake. I decided to tell somebody about this, I needed to. And randomly I texted Derrick to come and visit me.  A part of me felt that he was a secret-keeper.  I hoped that I would be right this time.

“I’m here at your service, ma’am.” Derrick sarcastically told me as he entered my room.

I chuckled sarcastically and told him “Come and sit.” He did.

I stared at him for a minute, rubbing my hands together nervously. I wasn’t sure of what to tell him, but I desperately wanted to talk about it to somebody, and of course the busy Ellen wouldn’t listen. So, I chose my rescuer.

“Do you want to know what happened at the night of my accident?” I quietly asked him.

“Sure!” he curiously said.

“Then listen to the whole story.”

I detailed him everything, I told him about Jake, Sarah, how do I usually feel. It felt like I was talking to a therapist, but he listened carefully to me, it felt relieving to talk to someone who would actually listen. Jake did that before, but now Jake is unavailable. I was tearing up in the middle of my talking. Derrick comforted me and begged me not to cry. I was soon calmed down and continued telling him the story. After I finished, with a suspicious look in his eyes, he said;

“Christina, how did you know Jake?”

“From the park.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Almost a year.”

“Where does he live?”

“I don’t know.” I frankly said.

“Where’s his family? Does he have any siblings?”

“I don’t know.”

“In which school is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s his phone number?”

I silenced, not knowing the answer. It felt awkward..and weird. But I didn’t reply.

“Tell me, Tina. I want to help!” he told me quietly.

“Is this an investigation?”

“No. Not at all, just..want to help you, sweets.”

I burst out crying, not helping to do anything but cry. Because I was too weak and lame, I felt naïve and I was positive that Derrick was astonished by my answers. He quickly hugged me so tightly; his hug was warm and nice. More like Jake’s hug. He whispered softly in my ear “Don’t cry. I’m here for you.” After a while, when I was comforted, he spoke again.

“And how did the car flip in the air?”

“I wasn’t focusing. I saw a cat..at the backseat. It was like..coming and going. I have no idea how did it enter the car.”

His face went white, then he told me “I see. Hmm, let’s do something fun then. Bring your laptop here.” I did what he said, hoping to get out of that mood. I left him with the laptop and went to the bathroom. After I returned, I found him standing by the window talking to someone on the phone, the laptop was on my bed, with Google page opened, Derrick Google-d something..when I concentrated, I saw the word ‘Schizophrenia’. I was not sure what did he mean, or why did he Google such a word? I felt numb though, scared of that I guessed. As he finished, I turned to him and asked him;

“Why were you Googling Schizophrenia?”

He opened his mouth but didn’t speak, then looked away quickly and turned to me and said “Nothing! Just random.”

I looked at him seriously and said “Do you think I’m Schizophrenic, Derrick!?”

“No..I was just..”

“Shut up!” I shouted.

I went and stood in front of my mirror, looking at myself shockingly..with confused, staring eyes, I asked a rhetorical question; “I am Schizophrenic?” asked in shock, then answered myself by saying “But..I am NOT!” I started screaming hysterically. Covering my face with my hands while crying, and Derrick trying to calm me down, it was impossible to be. I was not mentally ill! Not that, no! maybe..daydreaming? all I knew that I wasn’t myself anymore, I was a beast.