i hate u, i love u

3

Hello
We haven't talked in quite some time
I know
I haven't been the best
Of sons
Hello
I've been traveling in
The desert of my mind
And I
Haven't found a drop
Of life
I haven't found a drop
Of you
I haven't found a drop
I haven't found a drop
Of water

Water

I try desperately to run through the sand
As I hold the water
In the palm of my hand
Cause it's all that I have
And it's all that I need and
The waves of the water
Mean nothing to me
But I try my best
And all that I can to
Hold tightly onto
What's left in my hand
But no matter how
How tightly I will strain
The sand will slow me down
And the water will drain
I'm just being dramatic
In fact,
I'm only at it again
As an addict with a pen
Who's addicted to the wind
As it blows me back and forth
Mindless, spineless, and pretend
Of course I'll be here again
See you tomorrow
But it's the end of today
End of my ways
As a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy
Suicidal head case
But you specialize in dying
You hear me screaming, "Father,"
And I'm lying here just crying
So wash me with your water

Water

Hello
We haven't talked in quite some time
I know
I haven't been the best
Of sons
Hello
I've been traveling in
The desert of my mind
And I
I haven't found a drop
Of life
I haven't found a drop
Of you
I haven't found a drop
I haven't found a drop
Of water

I sat on Regina's couch with my computer in my lap and my legs spread across the couch. I don't know where Regina ended up. I read through some of the comments on the compilation video Regina posted and I smiled. Our ship name is SwanQueen (cause everyone's shipped us ever since we first acknowledged each other online). Because Regina is Italian for Queen. And my last name is Swan. Today's December 26th. I got Regina a black sweater that has a swan wearing a crown on it for Christmas. I got one for me too. She had the same idea and we both have necklaces that have a silver circle pendant with a swan wearing a crown on the front. And mine says Regina on the back. Regina's says Emma. I smiled as I focused back on reading comments. "Moms" "SwanQueen trash" "I love you guys so much" and then I was brought out of my trance by the front door opening and a small shout of "Mommy!" I furrowed my eyebrows and stood up, setting my laptop on the coffee table, and I made my way to the foyer. I leaned against the wall as I saw Regina hugging a little boy. "Neal, what the hell happened?" She asked, not noticing me. "He just.. He fell and he hit his head. And I knew I needed to tell you. He's fine other than the stitches. He'll still stay with me for a bit. I just wanted to let you know." The man at the door said and I couldn't help but stare at him. "Henry baby are you okay to stay with daddy? Or do you wanna come home?" She asked, brushing the boys hair out of his face. He shook his head. "Stay wif daddy." He mumbled. She nodded and kissed his forehead, now noticing my presence and her face paled. "Henry baby there's someone I want you to meet." She said, picking the small boy up. He looked around a little before his eyes fell on me and he smiled. "You on Mommy's computer." He said, causing me to smile. I nodded. "Henry, this is Emma." Regina said and I waved. "Nice to meet you kid." I said and he smiled. He buried his head in Regina's neck and I smiled and looked back at the man at the door, now staring at me. My smile left and I raised an eyebrow at him. Regina walked over, giving him the small boy and he kissed her cheek. "I'll see you in about a week?" He asked. She nodded and he looked at me. "Oh. Neal. This is Emma Swan. I'm sure you've heard me mention her." Regina said, looking at me. I couldn't say anything. "Yeah. Whatever." He said, leaving with the boy. Regina followed him out and I frowned. She has a kid with someone else? He kissed her on the cheek. Guess that means no chance for me. I went back to the living room and flopped down on the couch, grabbing my laptop. I scrolled through some more comments before going to Regina's channel. I scrolled through her videos before clicking on a q&a I never watched. "Hey." I looked up to see Regina and I sighed before closing my laptop. "Hi." I said and she bit her lip. "Emma.. It's not what you think.." She mumbled. I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Then what is it?" I asked, softly. She frowned. "When I was 20, I graduated college early. It was the year I turned 20. I met Neal. He turned out to be a douche who only wanted one thing, but I didn't want that. So we broke up. Then he came back when I was 22, about to turn 23. And he pressured me into having sex with him. He left as soon as it was over. And then I found out I was pregnant with Henry. So, 9 months later, on September 28th, Henry was born." She mumbled, looking away. "So he just turned 3?" I asked and she nodded. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked. She sighed. "I talked about it in some of my videos. I guess you never saw them." She said. I nodded and she bit her lip. "Come here." I said, moving my computer to the coffee table and she crossed her arms before walking over to me. I grabbed her hips and looked up at her, then I gently pulled her down onto me and she straddled my hips. "It doesn't change how I feel about you. Or how I feel about being here." I said, softly. She smiled and looked into my eyes before nodding. "Where does Neal play into everything?" I asked, softly. She shook her head. "He doesn't. I have full custody. But Henry sometimes wants to see his dad. After Henry splitting his forehead open while Neal was supposed to be watching him though? I doubt there will be much more daddy time." She said and I nodded. "So there's nothing going on with you and him?" I asked. She scoffed. "Gods no." She said and I nodded. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before getting up and pulling me off the couch. "We have some videos to shoot. Come on." She said, holding my hand and pulling me out of the room. I smiled and looked at our hands. This is home.

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Sorry it's short.
Next chapter will be longer.
-Logan