i hate u, i love u

2

I woke up, cuddled against my best friend under several blankets and I smiled. I nuzzled closer to her and she tightened her arms around me. Today's Christmas Eve. I got here yesterday. I met her friend Graham, who recorded our meeting, and we instantly hit it off. Not like romantically or anything. But me and Regina... Holy shit. I've had a crush on her for awhile. And meeting her just... Shit. But I'm putting that aside for my friendship with her. She's all I have. I looked across the room at the clock and saw it was barely 7 o'clock. "Go back to sleep baby. It's too early." Regina mumbled, half awake. But I was immediately wide awake at her calling me baby. My breathing hitched as I cuddled a little closer and Regina pulled me even closer. I bit my lip as I laid my head on her chest, the only place possible at this close. Shit I'm not going back to sleep.

I should ink my skin with your name
And take my passport out again
And just replace it
See I could do without a tan
On my left hand,
Where my fourth finger meets my knuckle
And I should run you a hot bath
And fill it up with bubbles

'Cause maybe you're loveable
And maybe you're my snowflake
And your eyes turn from green to gray
In the winter I'll hold you in a cold place
And you should never cut your hair
'Cause I love the way you flick it off your shoulder

And you will never know
Just how beautiful you are to me
But maybe I'm just in love
When you wake me up

And would you ever feel guilty if you did the same to me?
Could you make me a cup of tea to open my eyes in the right way?
And I know you love Shrek
'Cause we've watched it 12 times
But maybe you're hoping for a fairy tale too
And if your DVD breaks today
You should've got a VCR
Because I've never owned a Blue ray, true say

And now I always been shit at computer games
And your brother always beats me
And if I lost, I'd go across and chuck all the controllers at the TV
And then you'd laugh at me
And be asking me
If I'm gonna be home next week
And then you'd lie with me 'til I fall asleep
And flutter eye lash on my cheek between the sheets

And you will never know
Just how beautiful you are to me
But maybe I'm just in love
When you wake me up

And I think you hate the smell of smoke
You always try to get me to stop
But you drink as much as me
And I get drunk a lot
So I'll take you to the beach
And walk along the sand
And I'll make you a heart pendant
With a pebble held in my hand
And I'll carve it like a necklace
So the heart falls where your chest is
And now a piece of me is a piece of the beach
And it falls just where it needs to be
And rests peacefully
So you just need to breathe
To feel my heart against yours now, against yours now

'Cause maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up
Or maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up
Maybe I fell in love when you woke me up

Turns out I did fall asleep again. And I woke up to Regina kissing my forehead. I smiled up at her and she smiled back. "How'd you sleep?" She asked, softly. I smiled brighter. "Really really well." I mumbled. Her eyes sparkled briefly and she nodded. "Good." She said. I nodded and she smiled and looked away. "Alright. Let's get up and get moving. It's almost 10. I'll make pancakes and we can post Graham's footage of our meeting and try to figure out videos to post." She said. I smiled and nodded. She bit her lip, seeming to be thinking over something but then she just looked away. "What were you thinking?" I asked, softly. She shook her head. "Doesn't matter." She said. I nodded. "It does to me." I said, staring at her. She looked back at me and looked troubled. Then she smiled softly. "Did you know your eyes have changed color since you've been here?" She asked. I smiled and shook my head. "They've changed from turquoisey green to a steel grey." She said and I smiled. "I like cuddling with you." I said, causing a slight blush to settle on her cheeks. "I like cuddling with you too." She mumbled. "Can I maybe try something?" She asked, looking at my lips. I nodded frantically and she bit her lip. She leaned down and I leaned up, meeting her lips in a soft kiss. She smiled into it, causing me to smile. We pulled away and she had a sparkle in her eyes. "Come on. Let's go make breakfast." I said, moving off the bed and Regina smiled. She got up and pulled me into her arms, hugging me tight. I smiled and held her just as tight as she laid her head on my shoulder. "Sorry. I'm not usually this touchy-feely but being able to touch you... I just can't stop." She said softly. I smiled. "Don't worry. The same goes for me."

I sat at Regina's kitchen island while she made pancakes. Her medium length dark brown hair is in a messy bun and she's wearing a long flannel shirt. Which is mine. I aimed my GoPro at her and smiled. "As you can see, I've already got Regina cooking for me. I may never leave." I said and Regina turned around. "Are you recording me?" She asked, putting a hand on her hip. I smirked. "Never." I said. She rolled her eyes. "I'm not even wearing makeup. Or pants!" She shrieked. I laughed. "Who cares." I turned the GoPro back to me and smiled into the camera. "Regina's being shy today." I said and then got pelted in the face with an apple slice. "Ow! Hey, that was rude." I said and looked up at a smirking Regina. I aimed the GoPro back at her and she raised an eyebrow. "Isn't she beautiful?" I said, causing her to blush. "Come here." Regina said softly and I smiled before setting the camera down on the island and moving to Regina. She pressed a kiss to my lips and I smiled before wrapping an arm around her waist and leaning my head on her shoulder. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I smiled again. I turned my head and looked at her and she smiled before giving me a peck on the lips. "Being here is already so.. Amazing. It makes me feel like I belong... Like I have a reason to be alive.." I mumbled, looking at the pan on the stove. "You do have a reason to be alive, Emma. You do belong. You belong here, baby." She said, her voice sincere. "Did you just.." I started, trailing off. "Yes. I called you baby. Again." She said and I smiled. "I don't ever wanna leave." I mumbled. "Then don't." She said, matter of factly and went back to making pancakes. I smiled and moved out of her arms, giving her a peck on the cheek before moving back to my spot at the kitchen island. I grabbed the GoPro and turned it off, then smiled. You belong here, baby.

I've been in the shower for a long time. After breakfast, we decided to shower and get ready for videos. Regina showered first. And now it's my turn. It's been over an hour. But the waters so warm. And it's so fucking cold. I've never experienced cold like this. Tallahassee gets kinda cold. But never this cold. Ive lived in Florida my whole life. I was in the foster system, being bounced around from home to home for awhile until I was adopted by a woman named Ingrid. Ingrid Fisher. She died when I was 19. She was the only family I had. I never looked for my real family. Never made friends. I tried. People just didn't like me. And now I have Regina who's my best friend. And.. More? I really don't know what's going on with us. I never thought my crush would go anywhere. I didn't even have to say I had a crush on her and she wanted to kiss me! She's called me baby twice now and I love it. I hate feeling like a lovesick teenager. But I never actually had the experience of love and heartbreak and all that crap. Regina was my first fucking kiss, for crying out loud. How embarrassing is that? I've never been in a relationship. I've never had sex. I never kissed anyone until today. I've never been in love. Jesus this is crazy.

I stepped out of the bathroom in skinny jeans and a sweater, my hair wrapped up in a towel and I saw Regina sitting in bed under the covers on her laptop. Friends is on her tv and I smiled before walking over to the bed and sitting beside her. She smiled and then I looked at what was on her computer. My eyes went wide. "What are you watching?" I asked. She smirked and muted the tv before pressing play on the video on her screen. My vlog from the plane. Me running to an also running Regina when we saw each other. Graham's footage of us meeting. The kitchen this morning. All edited into a beautiful video with the song Coming Home by Skyler Grey playing softly on a loop in the background. "Y-you did all of this while I was in the shower?" I asked, my voice a whisper. She smiled. "I hope it's okay. I went ahead and posted it. I wanted to surprise y-" I cut her off by pressing a kiss to her lips. She smiled as I pulled away. "I'll take it that it's okay." She said, softly. I smiled and had tears in my eyes. "It's more than okay."