101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 7

I think sometimes

you have to lose somebody completely

before you can figure out what they really mean to you.

-Dawson, Dawson's Creek.

The next thing I know I am lying on a hospital bed, the sun glaring madly in my eyes and I felt someone holding me. "Stan." I said trying to wake him up, he seem to have fallen asleep.

"Your brother is on his way, so is your Mom." He said as he lifted his head up to look at me. His eyes held questions that I'm quite sure I can never answer, I prayed deep in my heart that Stan wouldn't ask why I fainted, why I look so pale, why the hell did the doctors immediately wanted to test my blood. I don't want him to ask because I don't want to lie to him; I don't want to answer his questions because telling it to someone else makes all of this seems real and final.

I have leukemia and I wish that it would just vanish. Stan smiled at me and I felt relieve that his insensitivity to what I'm feeling is kicking in. "You should eat more vegetables and less with the carbs. You're pretty heavy you know that, I might just well left you in the middle of the road because of your heaviness."

I laughed, typical Stan. I'm really glad my brother has him as a friend. "Let's play a game while we wait for your slowpoke of a brother." Stan said as he slouched at the sloppy chair near my freaking hard hospital bed.

"What game?" I said trying to sound strong.

"Just the last word song game." He said waving his hand aimlessly in the air.

"What the hell is that?" I asked trying my hardest not to laugh at his expression. He looks as though he is on the verge of blushing and getting mad.

"Duh. I sing a song..." He started explaining as he straightened his posture in the chair.

"I know the game braniac." I said and he just smiled. "You go first."

"Don't call my name. Don't call my name, Alejandro, I want you babe, I want you babe Fernando. Don't want to kiss."

I laughed so hard that tears are suddenly forming my eyes. "Gosh Stan! Are your lyrics even correct? I can die here laughing!"

"Yeah, you're just making nasty remarks but deep inside I know you're thinking hard."

I straightened up as well and looked at him confidently. "Kiss me out of the bearded barley. Nightly, beside the green, green grass. Swing, swing, swing the spinning step. You wear those shoes and I..."

I stopped, he is looking at me intently, and I fear that when I look away from that, stare I'd regret it for the rest of my life.

"Your turn, dummy." I said sarcastically.

His smile melted my heart and I'm quite confused why my heart is beating uncontrollably in my chest. It was his turn. Something tells me to listen to him carefully. "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you're in the world."

My head started spinning with questions. He just sang the first reason why someone wants me to continue living. "Did I just hear you sing Stanley?" If I wasn't hooked up in an IV line, I could've just stood up when I heard Lee's voice.

"Hey, I didn't know that we are that close that you're calling me Stanley." Stan stood up and looked at me.

"I'll wait for James outside so you can talk with this punk alone." Lee inched closer to Stan his fist ready to knock Stan off.

"You were the one who left her that's why she's here dude. So don't you dare look at me like that. She owes me her life and since she's your friend I guess you owe me that much too."

Stan didn't wait for Lee to answer he just nodded his head at me and then left the room. "What happened?" Lee said sitting at my bed, his hands holding mine.

"Where's Aya?" I asked as I released my hands from his grip.

"She'll be here in a few minutes. What happened? You fainted?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well I don't know Lee, I don't have a doctoral degree to answer that."

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier, I shouldn't have left you. I was just upset."

I sighed, why! Why am I like this when it comes to Lee? One apology is enough for me to forgive him!

"That's okay."

"But what the hell happened to you Ann?"

Is this the right time for me to tell him? I tried to line up my thoughts on how to say it straight to Lee's face. "I have leukemia; I told you earlier, it's not a joke. No biggie." I laughed at my own thoughts, telling it rather than hearing that you have it is a whole lot harder than I thought.

"Why are you here asshole?" I saw James barge in my room holding his duffel bag in his right hand and a basket of fruit on the other.

"I'm sorry about what happened dude; I'm just here to see Ann." I looked at my brother and smiled at him, his being way over protective might give something out.

"Since you're here, I'm going." Stan said, when he was about to open the door I called out his name. I didn't know why I did it, but something tells me that I need him to stay. He looked at me straight in the eyes and then his gaze fell on Lee's hands and mine, intertwined with each other.

"I have to..." he stopped and mouthed "let you..." and then he took a deep breath and continued "Go."

From that day forth I haven't received something, haven't heard anything,and haven't felt anything about my reasons to live.

I wish Stan didn't give up on me that quick.