101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 10

She almost got her happy ending

But the author added

A twist to her story

-themostwonderfulfairytale.tumblr

What do I really want to be in the future? The question is stuck in my head and keeps on playing endlessly like a broken record. Future? When is my future? The sentence seems odd yet that is how I feel. When is my future? Some people are good in making clichés like 'people should better be prepared for their future.' Is that applicable for someone like me? The girl who was diagnosed to have a cancer?

Everything that Stan said echoed both in my head and in my heart, would I like to spend the rest of my life with him? Wouldn't that be a little selfish? What if come tomorrow I've decided to give everything a try, to love and be loved in return? Will it be worth it? But what if that tomorrow doesn't come? What will they feel? What will the people whom I thought in the deepest of their hearts loved me, feel?

I got up from my bed and went out of my room. I went straight to James' room and pressed my ear in his door. I usually do this to hear if he is making those die-hard rock moves and I will be able to catch him in the act, and he will be mortified. And I just die there laughing. Die. The word itself is frightening, yet people say it as if it is the most normal thing in the world.

When someone is given life, don't they know that they are always in the process of learning how to die? I pressed my ear harder as if it can silence the raging voices in my head, all of them shouting. "In the long run, all people are going todie, especially YOU."

I suppressed a tear and told myself that I should be strong. I felt the door breathe in my ear as if it is alive.

"Ann? Are you there?" A voice whispered behind it, I turned the doorknob and saw my brother James standing right in front of it.

"Can't sleep?" He asked. If anyone knew me better, it is James. He knows me even more than I know myself.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You're already asking." He replied, he seated at the edge of his chair while I remained standing in front of him. Can I really ask him about Stan? Will he answer me seriously? I never asked him anything about Stan, just because I hated the way Stan acts around me. Little did I know that the things I hate about him are the same things that give me reasons to live.

"Stan?" James almost whispered. I looked at him, his eyes avoiding mine. How does one feel when his best friend suddenly notices that his sister is a girl? I almost laughed at the thought.

James stood up from where he was seated and then moved closer to me, his eyes held emotions I don't want to see nor feel. He brushed my hair away from my face and hugged me "Sometimes Ann, you just have to go with the flow and not be afraid of what might happen. Learn how to love, not just me, not just Mom and Dad, not just your friends. I don't care if it's Stan or Lee or someone who is stupider than them. I don't care. As long as you're happy."

I felt his tears brush down at the side of my face; I felt his courage despite of the fear that is threatening to go against it. I hugged him back never wanting to let go. I fell asleep in his bed while he lay on the floor. I laughed at the sight of his drooling face, I got up and kicked him hard, but I acted as if I didn't do it on purpose. He cringed and I thought he will scream his throat out instead he turned around with his mouth hanging open and snored.

I set his alarm clock and placed it near his ear, it will alarm five minutes after I leave his room. I went back to my room, bathed and prepared myself for school. When I went down to eat, my brother is already munching on his ham, the alarm clock besides him.

"You made me sleep on the floor in my own bedroom without a blanket and a pillow. You kicked me until my whole body is fractured and you even tried to make me deaf with this? Seriously Ann." He said smiling. If there is someone whom I'll miss when I die, it will be James. I'll miss him so much that I need to plead someone in heaven that I can come back on earth just to frighten him. The thought of it was hilarious, it made dying less fearful. I didn't see Stan in the bus today, nor have I seen him with James at school. By four o'clock students are already buzzing out of their classes and in less than minutes the hallways became a complete chaos. I wiggled my way out of the crowd when suddenly James grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the school.

"What??!" I said completely confused about James' yanking me out of the hallway.

"We need to see a movie?"

I let myself be dragged by him, I was confused nevertheless, still I am hoping for something to happen. The theatre is empty, only James and I were standing at the deserted movie house, I had the feeling that I know what will happen next. James made me sit at the aisle almost in the middle of the movie house. He left lying that he will just buy some popcorn.

The lights dimmed and my heart started to cease beating. I heard loud microphone feedbacks, I stood up and I felt my body slowly feeling weak.

"Stan? I know it's you. Yes. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter what the future holds. I'm not scared as long as you're here with me."

Then there's Elton John's voice singing Your Song. There was no video being played. Stan stood right in front of the big movie screen with the spotlight beaming on his face. He held no roses, no flowers, no gifts, yet his hands aren't really empty for in his bare hands he held my heart.

For the longest time in my life, I smiled. The kind of smile that warms your heart and soul, I smiled as if I'll never get tired of it. I smiled even though it looks stupid and foolish. I never knew that smiling would feel this great. I held at the chair in front of me tight, please don't take me yet. I feel the pain and I had the urge of banging it on something hard. Stan ran closer to me and I held on to him tight as if he is my lifeline. I looked up to him and saw his eyes flooded with fear yet he's still smiling. I smiled back.

And then the next thing I knew I was surrounded by darkness.