"Why Bother?"

The Waterboy Returns

Wednesday, August 3

She had long, gorgeous brown hair, and sweet brown eyes that just, cared for everything and everyone they saw. I found myself lost in them more often than not, captivated by their pure beauty. She also had full, luscious lips, the kind you just wanna kiss forever, and a smile that metaphorically dropped me to my knees every time I saw it. But her best feature was her personality. She was always optimistic and supportive and full of energy. She was everything I strive and want to be. She knew how to live, and she made me feel alive.
           But now, the last thing I want to be is "alive." We were so close, so happy, but she went and threw it all away. It's understandable. I mean, who'd want a loser like me, anyway? I'm a waste of energy, a prick in the finger of those who care for me.
            I've thought this a lot over this period of time, just as I was thinking  that as I walked up to my apartment door, with my plastic-bagged  "groceries" (if you could call them that) in my hand. I rustled through my left pocket, and managed to pull out my key ring and, after shuffling through it, my apartment key. I unlocked the door, and I finally was home. My sanctuary: A one-bedroom apartment built a good time before I was born, with a kitchenette and an unfortunately small bathroom. Alabaster walls surround every room, maroon carpet everywhere except in the previously-mentioned kitchen and bathroom.
              I set the stuff, along with my keys and wallet down on the counter. I walked back to the living room, the centerpiece an old, brown couch facing a box TV with a PS2 hooked up to it. I noticed that the answering machine had a message on it, so I played it back:
"Hey, man, it's Jake. Whatcha thinking about? Not to be blunt, but I haven't heard from you in days. You know you can talk to us, to me, at any time, man. Y'know about, her..."

He proceeded to talk a bit about his life (mainly his band) over the past week or so, as well as our other friends Hailey and Jeff's lives. But, there was one part in particular that irked me.

"... *tired/frustrated sigh* Dude, Ryan. It's been two months. I understand: Cely broke up with you, after what seemed like forever. But you can't let her get in the way of you living your life. I'm worried, man. Hailey's worried. Jeff's scared shitless. Really... Please, Stay strong, love you, bro. Hey, we really miss it all."

           I had less-frequently left my apartment since Aracely Teresa Venegas, the most amazing person I've ever known, officially dumped me, on  June 10, at 7:31 pm. Now, I'm at the point where the only reasons I leave are to pay rent and buy the usual: Oreo Cookie ice cream, Top Ramen, and an alcoholic beverage of some sort; y'know: comfort food.
              I wasn't always like this: Shut in as much as possible, laying in bed, playing video games and listening to the same four albums on repeat, moping about past love. I was really fun, I went to concerts and parties and did all sorts of things. I had a job. I had a life...
              Y'know, maybe Jake is right. What am I saying? He is right. I was just either too ignorant, saddened, or plain stupid to realize it. I'm not gonna lose another day in this old room. I'm gonna call him, and Jeff, and Hailey cause man, I've got a thousand things to tell them...

"Death won't bring friends and flowers to your grave."
–Brendan Lukens