Doubt | Simon Dominic

아홉

Chapter Nine

My stomach was in knots as I made my way towards Simon's studio. I know nothing bad had happened last night, but I still self ashamed of my actions. Just a few drinks could lead me into giggle fits or to act unlike my usual laid back self. I wanted to make sure Kiseok wasn't upset with me even if he had no reason; I cared too much about what he thought.

"May I come in?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, sit... what's up?" his focus was on his laptop, eyes never leaving its screen.

"Um I came to apologize about-"

"Quit apologizing to me about everything," Kiseok turned his chair to face me, "you didn't do anything but have some drinks and get all giggly. It was actually cute and nothing you did was wrong."

I stayed silent staring down at his shoes. I knew he was right but yet I still wanted to get that off my mind, "okay-"

He suddenly placed his hand onto my cheek, it was rough but still felt warm. There was something comforting in his touch that I hadn't felt in awhile, nor the way he looked at me. Kiseok's eyes showed an unknown emotion to me, one I couldn't read. My heart felt like it was speeding up going to burst at any minute; with so many different scenarios running through my mind at once... soon I felt like it was just us in that moment with nothing around, no interruptions. Our eyes staring into one another's with no words needed.

My thoughts came to life as he leaned in; but all I could do was sit and close my eyes almost scared of what was coming. I felt light and the butterfly feeling never ceased in my stomach-

"Hey guys so-" before anything could happen the door to the studio swung open and in walked Jay, nose buried into his phone.

Kiseok and I separated immediately thankful Jay wasn't paying attention.

"Um I gotta go," I stood up instantly, "I forgot I promised my mom I'd Skype her." for an instant I saw a desperate look in Kiseok's eyes almost begging me not to leave. But I had to.

Jay looked at me confused, "okay. Uh, I'll call you tonight about some work stuff."

"Sounds good, see you two." quickly bowing I made my exit refusing to look back.

Slamming the door to my apartment behind me, I let all the emotions I was holding in out. Tears spilled from my eyes as my back slid down against the door. My feelings were all over the place, I was distraught, confused and scared. There was no other way to describe what was about to happen, no excuse- Kiseok was going to kiss me. Nothing else could be said.

Grasping my phone I dialed one of the only people who I could talk to about this; Hannah.

To my avail there was no answer, she must be sleeping. Which meant anyone who I was close with, anyone who could help me would be unavailable.

I felt distressed as I closed my eyes, drops of wetness continuing to slowly run down my face. I had tried wiping them away so much my cheeks and eyes were swollen red. When I finally went to stand up, my vision was blurry; it was difficult to see anything clearly as my head pounded with sharp feeling jabs.

*ring ring*

"Shit..." I muttered to myself reading the caller ID; Kiseok, "no no no..." The room spun as I clicked to end the call, I couldn't comprehend anything. He kept calling- I just could never answer.

My mind went blank, the room around me started to fade in and out- black dots starting to form. I felt hot, my breathing becoming far too quick... Before I could react, make sure I was safe- it all came down. My body hit the floor and there was darkness only.

***

"Fuck..." I muttered as soon as Sanghee fled from the room.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked having no idea what had just happened.

"I..." a strong part of me didn't want to say it but yet of all people to tell it would be best to tell him, "I was about to kiss Sami and then you walked in."

"Holy shit.... fuck man I'm sorry-" he turned to the door, "she just ran away too..."

"I know." I ran my fingers through my hair feeling beyond frustrated.

"Call her."

Quickly taking out my phone I pressed her number. My stomach lurched with every ring that followed without an answer. She wasn't picking up, "not answering Jay."

"In my opinion I think you need to go to her place now."

"Why?"

"There's so many things probably going through her head right now. She might even be scared or getting the wrong idea.... I mean she's been here for a month now, already has a guy almost ten years older than her-"

"You don't need to remind me of that."

"And I also don't think you should give a fuck about it. Besides; we all saw how distraught you were seeing her with CJamm, you looked beyond pissed and we all know you don't like to hold back on things." my confidence was something I was proud to have; I knew I was good in many ways but this; this was something I couldn't help but doubt myself with, "just go to her."

"I will."

I felt rushed, blood pressure high as I drove as quickly as I could to her apartment building. For some reason, I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, something had happened. It wasn't like Sanghee to ignore anyone like this.

There was no answer and I knocked on her door. Silence was all that could be heard and I had no idea what to do.

Reaching down, the knob turned- the door opened.

Sanghee's body was limp on the ground, she looked so pail, weak, and fragile. She seemed completely lifeless. It was scary, I felt shocked and in pain from the sight.

"Sami..." I rushed over to her, scooping her into my arms, "please be okay..." laying her gently down onto the couch I went to the kitchen.

Looking through the cabinets I settled on a glass for water and a cold wet towel to cool her down. Just touching her forehead she felt abnormally warm, no wonder she passed out. I felt guilty though wondering if my actions had any part of it- which more than likely they did.

Placing the cold towel over her forehead I figured there wasn't much left I could do, I've never been in this situation before... seeing how peaceful and beautiful she looked made my heart flutter. There was so much attracting me to her that I have been trying to hide for quite some while. I knew for a fact that fate would play a role in what was in store for us, but for my own sake there was something I had to do.

Gently, I placed my lips onto her own allowing myself a luxury I didn't truly deserve.