b e a u [ paused ]

➰Seventy Eight➰

I wrote a speech.

And I learnt that speech.

And I was going to tell you that speech until a beautiful voice in my head said, No.

I feel awful, I have nothing to tell you back but this god forsaken speech.

And now my stupid self is back in her not-so-happy place, rocking back and forth, eyes shut trying not to cry. Thinking of my favourite one of them, mother.

I'm not stupid I'm efficient, I keep telling myself.

For her, of mother.

I don't know what was going through my head when I thought I could do this. I'm a wreck, and this stupid letter didn't help.

I was too hopeful, just like mother.

I was too determined, just like you.

But now I have nothing to give you in return.