The Long Road Home: The Journey of Alice & Jasper

The Long Road Home Ch. 14: Blind Spots & Speed Bumps

I shook my head irritably, drawing Jasper's questioning gaze. He must have been feeling my confusion and frustration, because then a sense of peace began to soothe me. I was both grateful for and perturbed by it: I disliked feeling so thwarted and unknowing, but I also disliked being manipulated, regardless of his intentions.

"What's going on, Alice?" He slipped his hand into mine, reminding me silently of our promise to each other, to not keep secrets or lie. He squeezed my fingers gently, and I felt his love for me, encouraging me to be honest.

I sighed. He is impossible to argue with, really, and very difficult to deny. So I just gave up on trying to. I explained my quandary to him, tensing myself for the inevitable reaction.

As I expected, he behaved just as I'd thought. As impossible and undeniable as he is, he's also terribly predictable in certain things.

"We shouldn't go then, Alice. If you think something strange is happening, someone is perhaps manipulating your visions..." His hand tightened around mine, painfully, but I didn't complain. "I won't put you in danger."

I shook my head and patted his cheek, trying to make him feel my confidence. "No, baby, I see futures leading away from that...that blank period. None of the paths leading up to that emptiness end there. They all go on. We're not in any danger. It's just...strange." I snorted. "And also very embarrassing. I feel like I'm being played with."

His eyes widened. "Do you think the Volturi have something to do with this? They have followers with powerful gifts, after all-"

"No. Not at all. I have the sense that the Volturi has nothing to do with this." And I did. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew it.

Jasper nodded, his eyes faraway as he thought, then he slipped into the vampiric stillness that comes so naturally when we're upset. I could feel his fear and anticipation, his resolution to be prepared. And once again, I regretted, ever so slightly, my promise to be honest with him. I hadn't done anything but make him lose much of his joy at the idea of the trip by telling him.

The countryside slid by in a blur, and we sat in silence as the train ate up the miles, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

***

JPOV:

We reached New York in a little over an hour, and thankfully it was completely overcast, the day coming to an end. At least I didn't have to think about the sunlight. I had enough on my mind already, enough going on in my body, without having to think about that.

It's frustrating sometimes, how easy Alice makes it look, to be in the middle of all those humans. Now, I do have an advantage in being able to assess her emotional state, so I know what goes on beneath that unperturbed and lovely surface: I know the scent of them tantalizes her, I know it's hard for her to stay strong. But her conflict to "be good" versus her body's automatic desires is far less than mine. She's gotten very, very good at squashing down the urges to rip and tear and drink deeply of human blood. The only one I've ever met who is better than her is Carlisle...and he makes it look like child's play to deny his very self. Not a good comparison to me.

You see, my thirst is great. No greater than anyone else's, of course, but any immortal's thirst is powerful indeed. But my discipline isn't great, and therein lies the problem.

I'd lived for almost a century and hadn't exercised anything resembling control over my thirst, unless you count letting another feed before me as control. I'd always let the newborns under my charge drink first, out of courtesy and respect for their overwhelming new thirst. But other than that, no. Maria had always been indulgent, and careless, truthfully. She'd plied us with humans as rewards for pleasing her. There was always a source of blood somewhere close by at the first twinge of thirst.