Troubled

35: The Funeral.

"So did my father," I said, and just like that, a wave of pain washed over me. Talking about him was too much for me, I had no idea why I had even bothered bringing him up. I took a breath, because now was not the time to drown in my feelings. I had been doing too well and I could not ruin it now. I forced a grin and went on, "What about The Doors? Do you like them?"

"A bit," Kyle said, and I could tell that he had noticed the moment of silence that had gone by once I had said something about my father. But my boyfriend did not tell me anything, he knew it was too soon for me and I was still going through my misery. He gave me the answer to my question, "I know Hello, I Love You and Moonlight Drive. But I am not so sure what other songs they have."

"Have you never heard Roadhouse Blues?" I wondered as I grabbed my own cup of coffee and drank from it. He nodded his head, he had forgotten about that one.

"Oh, yes, that one too," Kyle said. He turned the music on the radio down and glanced at me for a second. He had been doing that so much that morning, he would just look at me and grin. It was so kind and simple, it made me feel so protected. He then questioned, with raised eyebrows, "And what do you think about Nirvana?"

"Thought we were talking about bands from the sixties," I laughed. The truth was that I knew the most about older bands because my father would play the records for me when I was a child. He would sing them to me when I went to sleep and when we were in the car on the way to school. I had grown up with that music, and the fact that he had shown me all those songs was the only thing I was thankful for. I said, "But the nineties were not bad, not bad at all. Nirvana is absolutely incredible."

"I knew I loved you for a reason," he chuckled, winking at me from the corner of his eye. I scoffed at him and pushed his shoulder in a playful manner. He did not acknowledge my exasperated expression and just screeched, "I love every single one of their songs. I just wish Kurt Cobain had never killed himself so there could be more music by that excellent band."

"But Cobain committing suicide just makes them even more exceptional," I said, I had always thought that his death was mysterious and fascinating. He had been the voice of a generation and then he had just disappeared. "Because they only had three albums and they were so famous and so good. They never got the chance to mess up their career. They will always be remembered as these outstanding musicians."

"That is true," Kyle said. "Something in the Way is the best song that has ever been written."

"I have never listened to that one," I said with a shrug as I let down my brown hair and combed a loose strand behind my ear. He turned to me with a look of disbelief, his mouth had fallen open and his hands had tightened their hold on the steering wheel. But I just went on, "I like Lithium."

"You have to listen to Something in the Way!" he claimed. I raised my eyebrows, smiling because of how excited he was. It was good to know that I was not the only one in that car that got emotional over bands. He promised me, "Your life will change."

"Play it for me," I pleaded. Now that he had described it as brilliant, I had to hear for myself what he was going on about. I took his phone from the pocket of his coat and connected it to the car. He laughed and shook his head, staring at me as if I was insane.

"This is not quite the right place to hear a song for the first time," he said. I could tell that he was being honest, he thought listening to the song now would ruin it for me. But I believed this was the best place to do this, in the middle of nowhere, with someone I loved.

"Just play it, you moron."

He did. He took his phone form my hand and looked for the track in his music library. Somehow, he kept his eyes on the road as he did so. He pressed the button and turned the volume up. I listened as the sound of a guitar took over the car, and then a gentle voice sang.