Troubled

30: Exhausted.

"How are you doing?" she questioned. I shrugged, even when I knew she could not see me, because it was the only answer that really expressed my emotions. I was not completely devastated, I was beginning to forget what it was like to be with Kyle, how warm his arms felt around me. I had too many memories of him, but as the time passed, they were more of a blur. That helped with my problem. Our relationship seemed less real now that it was in the past, if that made any sense.

"Not wonderful, but I am one step closer to being over him," I confessed. It was not a lie, and I was kind of proud of myself for that. Being honest for once about this was liberating. I sighed and went on, "I would rather not bore you with the details."

"I'm sorry, you probably did not want me to bring it up," Chloe muttered. She was right and I was thankful that she had realized this so soon because I did not think I could just get into a conversation about that.

"Not really," I said in a soft tone. "Could you distract me? Tell me something else that will get my mind off of it?"

Chloe seemed glad with what I said because she never liked to hear me so upset. She began to talk about college and how well she was doing. It was good to know that she was experiencing so much and having such a wonderful time. But I was a bit jealous too because I wished to have the happiness that she had.

I was not even listening too much. I was thinking about going to the store to buy some more cigarettes because I was almost out. I did not want to go out, it was painful to even walk out the door, but smoking was the one thing that helped me most. It was odd how I had stolen that habit from Kyle. I was attempting to forget him with something I knew reminded of him.

"Meg?" Chloe said, I had not realized that I had been quiet for the longest time and she had thought that I had ended the phone call. I cleared my throat and blinked a few times. "Are you still there?"

"Yes, yes, sorry," I replied, nodding my head and scratching the back of my head. I stood up from my bed and went to sit on the windowsill once again, pressing my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them. I looked at the ashtray next to me and sighed, "I just think I need a smoke."

"Damn it! You still do that?" Chloe was not one to swear, so I was surprised by her words. But then I remembered that she thought smoking was disgusting and it ruined thousands of lives. It was true, sure, but I did not mind. I did not care if I lost a few years, my life was stressful either way.

"Not as much as before," I lied. The truth was that I was doing it so much more now that I was going through my sad teenage years. But I did not want to hear her lecture me. From experience, I knew that she took her sweet time when she did that. Seasons changed outside the window whenever she scolded me.

"I should tell Mom about this," Chloe said, and I could just picture her shaking her head at me in disappointment. I was about to beg her not to do it, but then she admitted, "But I am a good sister so I will not. Just please, do not smoke ten packs a day."

"I promise," I chuckled.

"Anyways," she mumbled. I raised my eyebrows because of what she said once a moment had passed. I was not in the mood to listen to more bad news, but it seemed essential that I knew whatever she was going to say. "I have something to tell you. And you might not love to hear it."

"Shoot," I said, feeling nervous. I was not sure what to expect. Thousands of terrible things came to my mind, and I wondered what had gone wrong. Her voice had become low, and that could not mean that she was going to tell me anything good.