I just want to say I fucking hate mice. They can die in a burning ditch for all I care. If those damn things come anywhere near me I'll scream my lungs out and dance on a chair with my skirt pulled up in my fucking hands. Those bāstārds are the devil's spawn. Don't get a mouse, don't even fucking get a rat. They stare at you with their little red eyes planning different ways of eating out your intestines or impaling you to their walks as trophies. Fed the damn thing to a snake. I'll gladly throw the diseased little bitch into the cage myself.
Take it from my book of experience.
NEVER TRUST A RAT. Definitely don't trust your slutty roommate for that matter either.
So my roommate gets the bright idea that she thinks she can cure me of my mouse phobia. That little fucker. She buys the biggest and yet fattest rat she could find and sticks the shitty thing under my blanket while I was sleeping.
I wake up to the stupid thing looking me dead in the face, it's fucking nose twitching and stared at me silently and still. While I'm screaming fucking bloody murder, I hear my roommates shrieks and wails of laughter, that FUCKING banshee, that cursed wretch. I flip the fucking mattress and crawl under my bed banging up my knees and hands to get away from that bāstārdly demon of hell.
One thing I fucking learned was to lock my door before I went to bed and to never trust my roommate. Okay that's two reasons but fuck it who cares? I DON'T CARE.
Never trust your roommate. Their equivalent to mice and you should never trust that demon spawn.
*Mic drops* *walks off stage* *everyone's clapping*
YOU ARE READING
The Holy Book Of Rants
HumorWhere I create a Bible of Rants while you sit back and read my cursing and long paragraphs about shit that isnt even all that funny just the stupidest things you could impossibly imagine. Not going to lie. These will be highly offensive. Don't like...
