Medication (boyxboy)

XII

"It's okay," CJ told him with a sweet smile.

Daniel let out a sad sigh. "They don't believe me though, so they put me in here. CJ, I don't belong in here! I'm not supposed to be here."

CJ moved over to him, and pulled him into a hug. Daniel felt so safe in his arms. He led him down to the cot and sat him down, not letting go for a moment.

"I know," CJ comforted him, rubbing Daniel's back and allowing him to bury his face the crook of his neck.

"How did you get in here? You're not supposed to be in this part of the hospital, never mind in my room," Daniel questioned, sitting up a little.

CJ just shrugged, not answering. "Doesn't matter. I'm here now."

Daniel accepted the answer, leaning back down on CJ.

They stayed like that for a long time, not talking. They didn't need to talk, really. Daniel was sort of panicking over being put in ICU, and he found the silence comforting (it wasn't actually silence— he could still hear people screaming to be let out).

For a long time they just stayed silent while Daniel panicked a little. It would have been much worse had CJ not been there for him, so he was very grateful for the boy next to him. He didn't want to let go.

"Are you okay?" CJ asked him.

"Yeah, I think so," Daniel half lied.

CJ frowned. He knew Daniel wasn't being completely honest. "Are you sure?"

"Mostly," the shorter boy muttered.

CJ opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" CJ whispered a moment later.

"Yeah, I know," Daniel answered quietly. "Just don't know what to say."

"Start with what's bothering you, because I know it's something."

"It's just that Dr. Joseph told me you left last week and I'm imagining you right now. I don't know if he's right or not. How do I know for sure I'm not sitting here talking to myself? What if you're not really here and I'm just somewhat aware of it? It's scary to think about."

"I'm here, Daniel. It's me."

"I know that, but at the same time I don't. I don't really know what to think right now."

CJ didn't have an answer to that.

"I'm just terrified you're fake and you'll leave me when I get back on my meds, and everything we have isn't real. CJ, I'm fucking terrified," Daniel said, barely above a whisper.

CJ didn't have an answer to that for a long time.

"I know. I am too," he said after a long pause.

Daniel stayed in CJ's arms for a long time. He didn't know how long exactly, there was no way to tell time in there.

"Promise this is real?" Daniel asked quietly after a very long period of silence.

"I promise," CJ answered, just as quietly. "I'm right here."

Daniel didn't say anything after that, and CJ didn't say much. He would just occasionally mutter "I'm right here, Daniel," into Daniel's ear.

He couldn't help but get a bit obsessive over worrying about CJ. The chance that Dr. Joseph was right and he wasn't actually there was just too good. It made him want to cry, because although he was very happy with CJ being his friend, he loved what they had right then and didn't want to lose it.

He was more or less terrified of himself and his lack of ability to differentiate reality from his imagination. He'd been in this exact position several times before. He'd imagine somebody, get attached, and have them taken away. Daniel was used to the cycle by now. He'd take his pills and he'd never see them again.

Suddenly, he got a wonderful idea. Wonderful in his eyes, anyways. If his medication was responsible for taking away CJ, what if he just didn't take it? He could tell Dr. Joseph he took it and then tell him CJ was gone. He was overjoyed with his idea, and almost told CJ. He stopped himself though. He had no idea how the taller boy would react, and decided it was best to keep his plan with himself.

Daniel felt a million times better after coming up with his plan, incapable of thinking of any possible negative outcomes. He allowed himself to smile as he tightened his grip on CJ.

"Are you okay?" CJ asked him after a while.

"Yeah, I think so. Thank you for staying here with me," Daniel answered with a smile.

"Of course," CJ smiled back, more than overjoyed to see Daniel didn't appear to be panicking anymore.

"You're the best," Daniel told him.

"Mmm, I know," CJ joked, causing Daniel to laugh at his cocky attitude.

"I should probably be heading back, they'll be doing a head count soon," CJ muttered.

Daniel stuck out his lower lip in a pout. "You'll come back though, right? I hate it in here. It's so depressing."

"Of course, babe," CJ said before leaving. He'd just called Daniel babe as a joke, but Daniel had to admit that he quite liked it.

Daniel stared at the door CJ had just walked out of, already missing him and wanting him to come back. His room felt so lonely, and he still wasn't used to the constant screaming and crying from other patients. He didn't really suppose he'd ever get over that though.

He did feel a lot better than he did before CJ visited him, however. Since he'd worked out his plan, he figured everything would be okay. CJ was real— he absolutely had to be— but just in case, he'd still come to visit Daniel so long as he avoided taking his medication. Daniel smiled weakly.

"He's real," Daniel whispered to himself. "He is real."