Stars of Varda - An Elven Love Story (Thranduil)

51. Confirmation

"I-I tried explaining to Mattie our ways on many occasions, but she never understood...she was highly intelligent but preferred to keep things simple."

"Perhaps she had the right idea. The Eldar complicate life far too much."

I glance down at the parchment in my hands, and at the pond, and anywhere but Thranduil. "You must not read too much into her words. I spoke of you often because of our friendship. She loved to play matchmaker, and--"

"Like you?"

My cheeks burn again. "I have not been successful at it, so it stands to reason--"

He takes hold of my chin and turns my face to his. Still I cannot meet his knowing gaze, and instead focus on a point behind his ear.

"Are you now afraid of me?"

"I am afraid you have taken an old woman's fanciful ideas to heart, and shall never think of me the same. I do not understand why you had me read it...."

From the corner of my vision I see his smirk. "Your friend was right about you. You are oblivious, even when it is as obvious as day, as she phrased it."

"I confess it." My eyes smart. "I also do not understand why you had me accompany you to meet Lord Celeborn."

"He is an old friend and knows of my trials. I shall not hide to him, nor all of Arda. But as I suspected, he already knew."

My heart turns over again, and I dare to look at him. "Knew what?"

He shakes his crowned head. "If it is not obvious to you now, it shall never be, Rîneth. I refuse to believe I have read you wrongly. But I cannot deny your confirmation would be pleasing to hear. Tell me: do you love me?"

I move away, my mind at first not allowing his words to sink in. I feel his hands on my arms as if they are still there.

"You must assure me we are under no forest spell, that your question is as real as the flames which burned our homeland."

"It is as real," he replies. "And as fervent."

His words have the effect of stealing my voice.

"If confirmation is what you seek," he says, "we shall leave now and go to your father. I spoke to him last night of that which I have kept from him."

"Your death?"

Thranduil nods. "He did not doubt what I saw and heard. Nor did he doubt the breaking of my vows with Itaril. Though I did not need his acceptance for myself, but for you."

"Why for me?"

"Why must you persist in asking these questions when you already know the answer?"

"You ask for my confirmation. May I not ask for yours?"

He strides over and takes my hand, and lifts the finger holding my ring. "Why do you believe I gave you this?"

I swallow. "For helping with your father's writings...."

"Yes, that was what I told you." He smiles wryly, and squeezes my hand before letting go. "In truth, my motive was selfish. I wished to see you wear it and pretend you were mine, even though it could never be so. I liked the idea I could claim some part of you, if only a finger."

The fluttering beneath my ribcage takes my breath. Or perhaps it is the way he stares into my eyes so brazenly.

"I consented to break my vows with Itaril," he continues. "Do you require more confirmation?"

"You told me you did it for her happiness, so she could be with the one she truly loved..."

"I am not selfless, as you have learned by now. There was a far more personal reason for me to have accepted Eru's consequence so readily."

"What is the consequence?"

He looks towards the pool, a hint of sadness passing over his features. "I shall be on the final ship to sail across the Sea, the last of the Eldar to leave Middle-earth. Manwë will send a messenger when the long-awaited day arrives. It is promised Legolas will depart long before then." His eyes return to mine. "It has...taken time for me to accept, even after making the decision, so I hope you will forgive me for my distance of late."

I feel stricken. "Why did you agree to this?"

"You know the reason."

"Surely Itaril must bear some consequence as well..."

"Yes," he says. "She and her beloved will be confined to a remote shore of Valinor, unable to live among their kin until such a time as Manwë deems appropriate."

I shake my head. "I did not know Eru to be so severe."

"Considering it is against the law of Eru for marriage vows to be broken, he has been more merciful than I could have ever believed. Before my death, my faith in the Valar was weak. Now it is stronger than it has ever been. I have been given a second chance at life."

We both fall in silence, and the chirping of the woodland sparrows grows in volume, as though beckoning us to continue. I lift my gaze to the tree limbs where the birds reside, and though I do not see them, they more real than any of Thranduil's words. For as long as I have existed, my friend could never be anything more. The mere thought was so impossible I never paid it heed, until my feelings could no longer be ignored. Until my heart betrayed me.

Even now, the impossible having become possible, I cannot grasp it. Nor can I grasp the feeling is returned...that he feels the same and has for a while.

"Rîneth..." he says. "The question."

The question. I look at Thranduil now, his blond hair a striking white as the sun hits it. He is as real as he has ever been. As real as when he lay on his bed dying only days ago. As real as when he told me the story of his past. As real as when he gave me the ring, the Star of Varda, far more than a gift for a friend. I raise my hand to look at it.

The enchanted gem is shining brighter than it ever has.

It is real. All of it.

"Yes."

He seems to hold his breath, waiting.

"Yes, I love you. I have loved you for longer than I know."

He steps forward and cups my face, the intensity of his gaze making me blink. "And Eru's consequence? Does your love for me surpass its sting?"

"If you have me, I shall wait with you for the messenger, and be by your side on the final ship across the Sea."

He closes the gap between us, and his mouth falls on mine. The force of it sends a torrent of flutters to my stomach. My hands reach up to his hair; his arms wrap around my waist to bring me closer still. It is a kiss that has waited for perhaps a thousand years and cannot be stopped now. I let his lips guide mine, let his hands keep me from falling.

Again and again he kisses me, and I return every one, my lungs remembering to breathe even as I forget. When we break apart I believe the sun has surely set, but upon opening my eyes it is shining still.

He removes my ring and places it on another finger, one which carries more promise, and gives me a slow, satisfied smile.

"Finally."