Letters To A Cyberbully(LeafyIsHere X Reader)

F i f t e e n

~Calvin's POV~

Oh my gosh, I'm fucked dude. How am I going to tell Y/N I have cancer? It was just too much for me...when is the good time to spill the tea? I just don't know. I got to see Y/N soon as possible. If I don't see her, it will probably be too late. I don't want that to happen, my emotions started playing with each other. I took out my notebook full of poems. Thinking of something I could rhyme with.

Fuck it I'm just going to write down whatever my head comes up with

I have cancer

Why? I don't know the answer

6 or less to live

I thought I would grow up to have some kids

I thought wrong

Gotta be strong

Feels as if my life is deteriorating as I speak

Bones is getting fragile as I get weak

Death could be a smack in the face

How would I know? I'm not even in that phase

Not yet, but I'm low-key scared

I became unprepared

Laying in the bed declared dead

Not even dead, already want my life back I whispered in my head

I finished writing my poem closing my notebook. I go in the bathroom taking my hat off playing with my hair. I'm surprised I didn't start balding, let me stop myself. It's going to happen sooner or later. I'm going to fucking die and go to heaven or hell if there's even is one. I wasn't thinking death now, it was too soon.. Everything was going goody-good. The cancer had to fuck it all the way up for me. I didn't know what to think or what to feel at this point. All I feel is weakness. I was thinking I can end it quickly with a blow to the head, but I hesitated. I kept staring at the mirror as my mind was telling me to do something. I kept hesitating many times. But, fuck it I can't control it. I went to the kitchen, opened up the rack pulling out a sharp knife. I didn't know what the fuck it was called. But, I went back in the bathroom with the knife in my hand. I took off my shirt which left me shirtless, bare-chested. No hairs on my fucking chest. I put the sharp end of the knife between my flat breasts slicing slowly. I closed my eyes tight as I felt the pain, I wanted to die then and there. But, I had to be there for Y/N I had to see her in person before death comes and ends me for good. I kept slicing slowly numerous times. I started slicing on my stomach little cuts here and there. Blood gotten on my hands as I was doing this. I felt so good, I know I sound like a complete asshole saying that but it felt good and hurting all at the same time. I was so used to doing it, it wasn't nothing new. I tried to stop doing it, but this cancer bullshit took it to the extreme. I kept on cutting...I began putting long cuts on my leg, blood had gotten on the floor. You know what? I'm not getting it up, though. After I was done cutting, I put the sharp knife on the counter in my bathroom. I turned on the water in the bathtub to lukewarm. I spaced out as I wasn't thinking about what the hell I was doing. I took off my trousers, I was completely naked. I put my foot in the tub to see if it was ready. It was ready, I put my whole body in the tub lying down. I turned off the water closing my eyes thinking of death. Seems odd to think about...right? But right now, that's all I had coming for me...

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