Addict (SetoSolace)

Thirteen: "Light"

Okay, I know the verbal spell for that – it shouldn't be too hard. Now, on to the visual spell. I can just sign the equivalent of "explosion," and let my visual magic handle the part of the spell that decides its strength. I can use mental magic, drawing the correct patterns in my mind, to decide the radius of the blast. But I'll only have a split second afterwards to cast the protection spell.

All right. Deep breath, Seto. You can do this.

For Brice.

The moment I begin the spell, a sharp pain attacks my hands, jaw, and head, and I groan in pain, accidentally interrupting the verbal part of the spell. Still, I push through the visual part, determined to finish this. If I don't finish it now, I'll never finish it – after this, I'll be too worn out to cast anything.

My purple magic surrounds me like a fog, and I can't see, can barely see my hands in front of my face. All I can see is purple, everywhere. Purple and pain, all I can see and all I can feel. I can't do this.

Oh, Notch, I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I'm bad, I've never been good, why did I let myself think- why did I let Brice convince me-

No, I- I have to do this! For Brice! He told me to cast the spell, and I will cast the spell, dang it! I can do this.

It's only once I've collapsed on top of the tower roof, once I'm holding my head in pain and forcing my mental spell to continue because it is my last hope, once I'm crying out in pain and biting my lip and drawing blood because I can't handle this, that I suddenly realize.

There's no way I can draw enough energy to cast the protection spell after this.

And then, a realization that is a thousand times worse: Brice may not be out of the city yet.

"Cast the spell, Brice," I whimper, though I know he can't hear me. "Cast it a lot."

The tower crumbles, and I fall.

☼☼☼

My eyes flutter open, and I groan in pain as I shakily lift myself up only to fall back onto the jagged rubble below. All around me, the only thing to be seen is rubble, the remains of buildings, a body part peeking out from under a slab of concrete every now and then.

It can't have been more than a few minutes since I cast the spell.

"Never has so much Dark magic been used by one person at one time! A crime of this caliber, and during the Dark War? This man is worthy of death," says someone not too far away.

But- wait, no, I- I used Light magic! I did, I swear I did, I know I did, I- I tried so hard just to- just to cast a stupid Light spell, and-

And, apparently? I failed. I couldn't do it.

They were right, all those years back. When they told me that I was too far gone. When they told me I could never be anything but bad ever again, not since I'd fallen to the Addiction.

They were right.

I can only be bad.

Oh, Notch.

"Is that... Sir, that's the Dark Sorcerer!"

"Wha- we've been trying to capture him for almost five years!"

"We did capture him!" shouts another Mage. "He must have escaped!"

"All that, plus today's crimes- there is no suitable punishment for something so big!"

I look down at the rubble that's digging into my knees. I thought I had it. I thought I'd finally done it, finally- finally been good.