Purgatory (bxb)

Chapter 17

"It comes in waves, I close my eyes. Hold my breath and let it bury me. I'm not okay, and it's not alright. Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?"
---

The sound of knuckles hitting flesh is not as satisfying as I hope it would be.

My own fists are clenched, yearning to have a shot at Leo.

Even if Chris was still alive, what would Leo hope to say to him? Would he tell him the same lies, give the same excuses, tell him we could go back to the way we used to be?

I am disgusted.

Kyle grips my fists, slowly unclenching my fingers one by one.

"Henry, escort them back to the city." Kyle ordered with a final nod to Leo and Sylvia. "We will meet again, hopefully on better terms."

I don't want to meet them ever again, but Aiden is clearly torn between his hatred for Leo and his infatuation with Sylvia. They were mates, and he would have to live closely with Leo.

He would be happy with the two of them right now, if it isn't for me.

The loss of my father is my burden to bear, yet it has drawn a line between Aiden and Sylvia, and their fated connection.

Did I not want to be near them because I would watch them fall, or because I would drag them down with me?

Kyle finally lets go of me, and I feel cold, empty. He places a hand on my back as he guides me back to the cabin, Aiden trailing behind us slowly lost in his own thoughts as Greg walks beside him.

Maybe I am cursed, maybe I cannot love.

I loved mom and dad, and dad left.

I loved Chris, and he left.

Now I'm starting to love Aiden as a brother and Kyle as maybe something more than just a friend, and Aiden may just lose his mate.

I do not wish to see the consequences that will arise if I am to love Kyle.
---

"We are werewolves of the Red Lupus pack, so we are unfortunately addressed as Lupins."

We are back at the cabin, sitting around in the hall as Kyle answers the question I had posed earlier.

Of course, nobody is in the mood for conversation. I'm still shaking as I lean against Kyle, Aiden is still battling his own emotions, and the atmosphere is tense.

The silence is deafening, and so I am relieved to have something to talk about, despite my wish to be left alone.

"That sounds stupid." I conclude and nod to Greg, who is standing guard at the door. "He called you guys Alpha and Beta Lupin. What's that about?"

"Well, an Alpha is the ruler of the pack. The title is passed down through blood, so I am only Alpha because my father was Alpha." Kyle threads his fingers through my hair, and I lean closer.

I am always calm around Kyle, and I don't know how I feel about this. Kyle leans in and takes a deep breath.

Disregard my earlier statement, I am never calm around Kyle. I send him a glare and he only smiles at me.

"Aiden is my Beta, which means he's basically my right-hand man. His title was passed down from his father, too. We come into our positions when we turn 18."

I frown.

"There are adults and children in your pack?"

Kyle nods.

"And they place everything in the hands of two 18-year-old teenagers?"

Kyle goes to nod, but pauses, and Aiden looks at me from where he was staring at the floor.

"I never thought about it that way." Kyle admits and Aiden nods in agreement.

Their Moon Goddess has the strangest sense of humour.

"Alphas and Betas have a lot of responsibility to the pack. Sometimes they even have to put the pack above their own family. They are only assigned their full duties when they find their mate, though."

I look to Aiden, who is distracted from his self-pity for the time being.

"Is that why your parents were always away at work, because they had responsibilities?"

Aiden nods.

"And when you had to leave for family reasons, was it because of the pack?"

Aiden gives a half-nod, in his strange way of saying 'yes, but not really'.

"Kyle and I were sent around the world to meet other packs and observe their ruling."

I nod to Greg again.

"Greg and Henry, they're your bodyguards? What are they protecting you from?"

Aiden shrugs.

"Rogue wolves, which are wolves without a pack that have mostly lost their sanity, and hunters."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Hunters?"

Aiden nods, but seems hesitant to continue, so I change the topic.

"And what are mates, apart from the whole 'love at first sight' cliche?"

"Mates are our other halves that possess qualities we do not have. They balance us, lenient to strict, optimistic to realistic. Mates are important to Alphas and Betas, and are addressed as Lunas after the mating ritual, when they will share the responsibilities of their respective mates."

I do not want to know what a mating ritual is, but Aiden continues anyway.

"On the night of a full moon, the two mates will copulate and-"

"I think that's enough information for one day, Aiden."

Kyle covers my ears with his hands, muffling Aiden's next words. He seems to like restricting my sensory abilities.

Aiden closes his mouth, and Kyle releases my ears.

"It's getting late, we'll walk you home."

I do not want to go back to the house, to the loneliness, to the constant echoes of bangs and thumps that resonate from Chris' room, but I have to because I miss mom, and I need to be alone again.

I need time to rebuild the walls that were taken down so easily in a matter of days.

I need to remind myself that loneliness is the only thing that will not leave me.

So why is it that I find myself wanting to stay?