// LOVING SOMEONE //

chapter 4

pov: omniscient

Arizona stood, frozen at the nurse's station, charts in hand, wondering whether or not she should go down to the ER and find out what's going on. She figured that if it concerned her or was something serious, she would have been paged. She tried to shake the feeling off and decided to send Amelia a text to see if she knew what was happening, also to reassure herself that at least Amelia was okay.

Hey, what's going on? Big trauma? Are you okay?

The blonde waited and waited for a reply, worried but trying to convince herself that everyone was just busy with a critical patient and Amelia would get back to her later. The fetal surgeon was then paged to one of her patient's rooms to get her ready for her intrauterine surgery scheduled for that morning. As Arizona got to the OR and scrubbed, all she heard from one of the OB nurses was something about "Grey's bad luck" and an "insane patient". The blonde tried to think nothing of it, she had to try and get in the focused mindset she needed for this two hour surgery.

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The ER was packed with people from the accident that must've been causing all the traffic earlier that morning. Amelia walked through the ER  in her dark blue scrubs and wound up running into Edwards who had updates on post op patients from the day before. "Wow, uh, good morning sunshine," Edwards said cautiously as she noticed Shepherd's under-eye bags and sad eyes. "Yeah, ditto," the neurosurgeon replied.
After Amelia and Stephanie got through trauma patients requiring neuro consults, Amelia finally got to the page she had received from Meredith before she started rounding and wish she didn't have to report to her at all.

As soon as Shepherd and Edwards walked into the trauma room, the shorter brunette was struck with a pain in her chest at the sight of her sister-in-law on the bed surrounded by all of her friends and family.  She had no idea what to do, the room started spinning. Amelia didn't know if it was just the hangover still looming over her or the pain and guilt she was feeling, but she couldn't stand, she couldn't breathe, she didn't know how to feel. As Amelia sunk down in the corner of the trauma room, resuming the position she took while sitting in Arizona's bathtub the night before, feeling every bit of the guilt over everything she'd ever said to Meredith. Meredith was battered and beaten and Amelia could only think that it was her fault.

Stephanie looked over at Amelia and  knew that this situation was all too much pressure for her to work under, and so she stepped in for her mentor.

After Meredith was taken out of the trauma room and up to a suite to await her surgeries that would take place the next morning, Amelia was still sat on the floor thinking, "I can't do this, why can't I do this. Derek should be here, I can't be here for her. This is too much I don't want this, Meredith hates me and now she's hurt," making her almost erratic. Amelia stood up, everyone gone to handle more traumas or start their surgeries. The neurosurgeon walked over to the nurse's desk and said, "I'm not feeling too well, would you get the neurosurgeon on-call to fill in, I should be back in a few days." The nurse complied to the surgeon's wishes, and Amelia went up to change back into her regular clothes, well, Arizona's regular clothes, and took her car that she had left the previous night out for a ride.

She made it to the cemetery before noon and knew what she had to do to try and feel something. She parked and walked the five minute walk to his plot in the ground. She hadn't been back here since the funeral almost two years ago. So much has changed, so much stayed the same. She sat in front of his headstone and remained silent for half an hour, tears fell and more guilt built up. She missed him. He would have known what to do or what to say.

After her eyes stopped crying and tears stained her cheeks, she got up and dusted dirt and grass off of her pants and walked back to her car. She drove out to Meredith's house, no one was home. She walked up to the front door and used her key to unlock it. Amelia felt a darkness come over her, she knew that no liquor stores or bars were open right now and that Meredith would be the one to have a decent stock of liquid spirits.