Flightless Grounding (Gay)

Nineth Flight

"So where are you?" I quickly asked. I knew she had no intention of hanging up on me before she at least told me that. At least I hoped she didn't expect me to search the whole city for her.

"I'm at the park." Her voice grew softer, "By your house." The line went dead.

"Uh..." I trailed off, looking from Shane to Miranda. They both gave me innocent looks, pretending that neither of them had heard anything. But it's not like I was just born yesterday. "I gotta' go."

I looked back before I jogged down the stairs. Miranda was looking at her feet like they were the most interesting things in the entire room and Shane was no longer facing me.

When I unlocked the front door, opened it and re-locked the bottom lock, Shane and Miranda's mom yelled a quick goodbye. "Bye," I said back.

My first step outside and it was pouring. Nature's way of saying I was already screwed, so why not add on to it? My sweater didn't have a hood. I briefly thought about getting a jacket but it just didn't seem to be on a higher list of my priorities.

I half ran, half jogged to the crosswalk. The damn automatic crosslight was red and didn't seem like it had any plans of changing, whereas the dryness of my clothes had big plans for change. Try soaking wet. I watched numbly as the cars zoomed by through the green light. As a truck turned and a van switched lanes. Even as people in neon yellow jackets on bikes passed me. And finally the light changed.

I ran across as fast as I could and then ran the two blocks to the park. Near my house my ass.

Alexa was on the swing, shallowly swinging back and forth - enough to make the swing rock in both directions, but not enough to visibly propel her forward or back. Despite the sheer cold, she was wearing a red paid skirt with leggings and a black hooded sweater. The hood was over her head but her long hair snaked out of it and was darkened and curled with the weight of the rain. She looked, for all the world, like no one loved her.

I approached and she stood up off the swing and walked up. "Deviin, do you even," she choked back tears, "did you even know what last week was?"

Last week had slipped my mind. "No," I said honestly, my voice softened by the pain in her voice.

Alexa flipped off her hood and pulled all her hair to the side before looking me straight in the eyes. "I thought so." Her voice was now barely above a whisper.

There was a long moment of silence as she fought back tears. "What did you think?" I asked, trying my best to even out my words through the chattering of my teeth.

"That we're not right for each other!" She suddenly shouted. "That I need someone whose there for me."

"I'm there for you." I meant for the words to sound deep - meaningful. But they just sounded hollow. Even I could hear the lonely echo.

"You try." Alexa's voice broke and I instinctually reached out my hand to comfort her. She avoided it. "I know you try. But I need someone. Just someone who is willing to stay by my side. I'm not a trophy or an attachment. I'm a person! I get lonely too. And it just gets harder and harder everytime to pretend everything is okay. I know you need your space - I get that. But ten," she shook her head, "fifteen years from now I don't want to be the one who stays at home and waits for you to come back to me."

"Alexa-"

"Because I know myself too well," she continued. "Because I know, that in time, I won't have the strength to let go of you, Deviin. I know we'll never fight, so I'll never have an excuse to say goodbye. I know that I'll sound like a broken record and you'll never be happy. I'll never be happy." She raised up on to the tips of her toes and kissed me. "We'll never be happy," she whispered.

The kiss didn't make my heart pound because it signified her love for me. It made my heart pound because there was no love left in its gentleness. It said goodbye.

"Don't go," I uselessly reached for her hand but was pulled back. The arms that pulled me back weren't hers. They belonged to someone else.

I whipped around, not seeing anything. Rain blinded my eyes and soft spoken words made my chest ache. I blindly punched out. Again and again. My jaw burned and I realized someone had swung back. My face was warm with the blood seeping out of my nose and mouth.

"Stop it!" There were two screams. The first voice was Alexa. The second...Miranda?

My vision cleared and Miranda was standing over someone. Alexa was standing in front of me. She looked deeply into my eyes. And turned away. My sight only told me that she was walking down the street but my mind knew better. She wasn't just walking down the street. Alexa was walking out. She was making the final exit from my life. And she wasn't coming back. Not now. Not ever.

My head spun. My thoughts raced. Something in my head pounded. My vision curled and twisted at the ends just like Alexa's hair. It slowly began to darken. The edges of my vision frayed.

And everything went black.

"Do you think he's gonna' be okay?

"I don't know. Should we call an ambulance?"

Two separate voices floated and echoed around me.

I tried to open my eyes and it took my body a few moments before it actually cooperated. Miranda and Shane were hovering above me. And Shane had a black eye. Uhm, shit.

I sat up too quickly and immediately regretted it, feeling dizzy.

Both Shane and Miranda tried to help boost me up but I lightly pushed them away. I didn't want any help. The only thing I wanted was to be left alone.

The whole walk back Miranda practicall debriefed me on how I was feeling and what had happened. She asked if anything hurt especially bad. My pride did. Right now I felt more pathetic than that time three years back when my neice shaved off one of my eyebrows. I could have just let Alexa go. But no. I had to be stupid and reach out for her like an idiot. I knew she wouldn't reach back. Yet I still did it.

When both our houses were in sight, I veered off to the left. Miranda just tugged my arm and pulled me back in the direction of their house. I didn't really want their mom to know that I had - well, punched Shane in the eye... Luckily when we got in, she was no where in sight and we ascended the stairs, the three of us, a quiet settling over.

I went into their bathroom and washed my face. Other than dried blood and slightly reddened eyes, I was fine. Miranda was in the room, washing Shane's face with a washcloth. There were a few 'Ows' and 'Hey that hurts'.

I ventured into the kitchen where I proceeded to find a raw steak. I opened the package, hoping that their mom didn't have recent plans for it, and walked back up the stairs. When I got into the room, Miranda stood up.

"I would love to hang around but I have unfinished Chemistry homework." She turned around. "Try not to kill each other, alright?" Miranda smirked and closed the door.

I turned to Shane. "Sorry, man. About," I motioned to his slightly swollen and reddened eye,"everything."

He stood up. "It's fine."

"Lay back down."

"Why?"

"So I can beat you up," I said with a laugh.

"Right. Of course." Shane laughed too and laid back on his bed. I stuck the meat on his swollen eye. "Is that raw steak?" He asked, scrunching up his face in a pretend grossed-out way.

"Don't worry, I didn't take it out of my pants." We both laughed even though what I said didn't really make any sense.

Shane sat up and pointed to his dresser. "You can change into whatever fits."

When I opened the drawers, I highly doubted anything would fit. Skinny jeans galore. There was no way, with all that football and weight lifting, that I was gonna' fit into those. I shucked my wet pants off and settled for grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

When I sat back down on the bed I noticed Shane's soft breathing. I took the steak off and set it onto the plate with the cupcakes from earlier.

His hair looked so soft. I ran my hand through it. The motion was familiar. It reminded me of running my hand through Alexa's hair. But it didn't. Something felt...different somehow. Kinda better.