Always

Something Black

When I take my seat, the silence in the hovercraft is unnerving, it's almost as if everyone is afraid to say the wrong thing. Afraid that the word baby may set me off and cause them to put me in the psych ward. But in reality I'm not going to break down, and I'm not going to struggle trough the rest of my life. I've cried my tears and I've made my peace, or as much of peace as a mother can.

"Thank you," I say and everyone turns to me. "For coming." I clarify.

"Of course, girl on fire." Finnick says and I appreciate him now more than ever.

"Plutarch can I ask you something?" I whisper to him quietly and he turns to face me. "Where is he?" I struggle to ask and his Capitol face softens.

"He is already there dear, we took him ahead of time." He answers politely and I nod.

"When we land, I want to go alone. I want to say a few things to my son, without the cameras." I tell him and he nods as if he understands. But he doesn't, he couldn't.

The landing is much softer than when I was being rushed back from district 8, although I guess that was a whole different circumstance.

Rye takes my hand before I walk away from the group and reaches into his pocket. "Peeta gave me this before you went into the games." He hands me a small faded envelope. "It's for your child, but I guess I thought you should decide which one it goes too. Just remember that Peeta would have loved your baby whether he was alive or gone." He whispers and I nod my head.

"Should I read it?"

"No, it's best if some fathers and sons have secrets of their own." He replies and I smile just barely.

"I'll see you soon," I say and squeeze his hand tightly before letting go.

The walk is long, but maybe it's because I go to the village first and sit on the swing that hangs on my front porch. I told Mr. Mellark that I was pregnant here, and yet the memory is still fresh in my mind. I open the door and walk towards the kitchen. But instead of the clean table that is in front of me, I see Peeta lying on the table with a shredded back, smiling up at me.

"We are going to raise this baby with so much love, it'll spill over on to other people. We're going to be a family"

"I'm sorry I let you down, Peeta. I'm so sorry."

When I leave my mothers house and head towards the meadow I imagine a boy with blonde hair and grey eyes walking beside me. His hands would be small, but would soon become large and look much like a bakers hand. His smile would be a lot like his father's but his soul would be fiery like mine. And when I reach the meadow, he runs ahead of me, but disappears into the flowers. The dandelions to be exact.

There is a small brown box that sits on a stand in the middle of a bed of flowers. I've been to funerals, I know what lies inside of it. But for some reason the thought of walking closer doesn't send me running.

"You would have been such a beautiful little boy." I place a handful of flowers onto the casket along with the envelope and run my hand along the wood. "I know that your father isn't here, and maybe it isn't fair of me to do this. But I've been thinking of a name for you." I pause and look at the woods.

"I love you Aden Peeta Mellark, and I always will."

Aden, it means little fire, and I'd like to think that if he had made it he would have been a little fireball.