Murder At Miss Scellaneous Mansion

Act II

At couches, convict fiddle with handcuffs. Inaudibly asks for pin from rich lady. She hands him one.

Doorbell.

Butler: "He has arrived." Walks to door.

Detective: "Hello, I'm Detective Javert from the LMWVIPD. Here's my badge." flashes blank.

Butler: "Welcome."

Walk in.

Detective: looks around. "The murder is none other than... Miss Scellaneous herself!"

Butler: "Detective Javert, she was the victim."

Detective: "Never underestimate a murderer."

Cook: "She's dead."

Detective: "I'll be the judge of that." checks pulse, mumbles, slaps. "She is dead!"

Convict: facepalm... hides handcuffs.

Detective: Sits in love seat. Removes glasses. "One of you is the murderer"

Girl: "No duh, sherlock."

Detective: "Elementary, my dear girl."

Girl: "More like preschool..."

Detective: "First, let's start off with a background of all of you. Who would like to go first?"

Priest: "I will go first. I am Priest Carl Pastorson, the priest at The Lord's First Congregational Church Community of Holiness."

Detective: writing in notepad "And why were you invited here tonight?"

Priest: "I got a letter in the mail. I thought she wanted to join TLFCCCH. I've been trying to convert her for thirty-five years."

Girl: "I wanna go next! I wanna go next! My name is Princess Sally Smith. *to convict* I'm not actually a princess. And my mom got a letter. I thought it was a sleepover."

Rich lady: "I will go next. My name is Mrs. Pamela Francis Roella. I am an heiress to an oil mine. And I'm super rich and married to a billionaire. Did I mention I was super rich? I also got a letter, but mine was embossed in gold so it was more expensive than all of yours, like everything else I own."

Cook: "My name is Miss Cook."

Detective: with notebook "Um, you'll have to give me your full real name."

Cook: "Eetz Miss Cook. Miss eez my first name. Cook eez my last name. I vork here. I have been in zee employment of Miss Scellaneous for fifteen years. I am Vussian. I am her cook, as you can tell. Before I vorked here, I spent ten years vorking for zee KGB."

Detective: "wait... Are you still with the KGB?"

Cook: "I vould tell you, but zen I'd vould have to kill you." smiles.

Convict: to girl. "I think she's the murderer."

Girl: not listening.

Butler: "Hors D'oeuvres anyone?"

Detective: "And what about you? What's your name?"