All This Time

40 ⦿ in which i listen

It takes a moment for his meaning to sink in, and when it does, a hot flush spreads from my cheeks to my arms, making them tingle with sensation. Wolf, in this scenario, is the fisherman, greedy to reap the river's spoils. And I the fish - too dull-witted to know when to give up, too dogged in the persistence of my own bad habits.

"I see," I whisper, the words faint and hollow, stretching between us like a wisp. It's odd to be speaking in veiled innuendos - we never used to be this solemn, this cryptic.

"Charlotte," says Levi, not quite bringing himself to look at me, "you're not a fish. You're a human being. A beautiful, wonderful, so full of light it fucking hurts human being. You can be anyone and do anything, but you—" He stops himself.

In this light, he looks young, earnest. Dappled with good intentions and sweet words.

"If you don't like something about your life," Levi says, "change it. If you're not happy, then chase whatever it is that will make you happy."

"I'm sorry." My voice wobbles.

"For?"

"For..." I lay my palm against his comforter, curl my fingernails into the material until a sharp pain shoots up my hand. "For you not being happy."

At his blank look, I elaborate, "You're chasing what makes you happy, too. Right? It works both ways?"

He laughs, short and vibrant, but it doesn't sound particularly happy. "I'm an artist. I'm doomed to unhappiness. Fleeting spurts of inspiration followed by bouts of melancholy. A string of use-'em and lose-'em women, too much powder up the nose, and a tragically short life. A generation later, my work will sell for millions. That's an artist's lot."

"That won't be your fate." If I have to defy Olympus itself, I will save him from that bleak future. "Don't be morbid."

"Give me your hand," he says abruptly. He rises, shuffles over to his desk, and returns with a black ink pen.

"My hand?" I offer it to him with hesitation. "Why?"

He smiles. "Don't look until I'm done. You have to promise, okay?"

At my nod, he commences. The nib of the pen presses against the back of my palms, scrapes against the tiny bones. Ink flows from the point, guided by his hand.

A moment passes, then another. Head bowed, Levi continues his work. With my promise not to look ringing in my head, I have nowhere else to look but at him. His brow is furrowed and in his concentration, his tongue peeks out at me, just a hint of pink at the corner of his mouth.

"Done!"

I glance down. The skin around the letters is pink from friction, but the ink has bloomed into beautiful calligraphy, swashes and intermittent thick strokes splayed across my hand.

He's written: Be with someone who makes you happy.

Then, slowly, deliberately, he uncaps the pen and drags it over a word. Once. Twice. Two careful lines forming an X.

The new meaning is: Be someone who makes you happy.

"Levi..."

"Don't touch it," he admonishes when my fingers move to touch the words in wonder. "It's not a hundred percent dry yet."

Not wanting to smudge his work, I let my hand lay in my lap. "I love you, you know."

"I know." He smiles, his eyes crinkling kindly at me. "I love you, too. But I will love you a lot less if you don't get a move on. You've gotta get dressed if we are going to be on time."

"Thanks for not changing my room into a man cave or game room," I say as I get up from the bed. "Wolf totally forgot half my clothes when he forcibly moved me to his place."

"You'll always have a home here," Levi says. "You're family."

A grin sprawls across my face. "Family," I agree, "for now and always. No matter where we are or who we're with."

"You said that so seriously, I sort of feel like you're going to make me swear it in blood."

"Darn, my dastardly plan has been found out." I bring my ink-free hand to my chest, feigning horror. "I'll be in my room scrounging for something to wear."

As I duck out the door, I hear his shout behind me. "Scrounge?! You have half of Nordstrom's in there!"

Author's Note: I feel like he gave her some really valuable home truths - forcing her to face some of her choices under a harsh light. What did you think of his advice? What advice would YOU give Charlotte right now?

Thank you all so much for helping to bring me to (very nearly) 45K! I'm at 44.6 but maybe we can shoot to get to 45 by tomorrow? :)

I've entered this story in the Wattys and your support would be super duper appreciated! :)