Journal to a Tourtured Life

Journal to a Tortured Life Chapter 1

Dear Journal,  

Every day that I spend here just gets worse and worse I can barely stand it, each day is agonising pain. He makes it worse for me and he never takes my apologies for the things that he so called claims to punish me for, however I am telling you the truth now that I didn't do any of it, he had framed me, that handsome masochistic boy had doe it and framed me for it, little did he know that I would be sent to the bridge of death and brought back again for it. The next time I see him I am going to make sure that he finds out just exactly I go through when nobody's there. When I'm out in public with my father he acts like the perfect father however he's just that bit to much touchy and looks at his daughter just that bit too much, do you want to know why because I will tell you, its because if I do something wrong he doesn't just punish me with physical abuse he also punishes me with sexual abuse.

I'm going to kill Chris he brought this night to me again, its just another one of those nights that I will never forget because of what happened, but lets keep things in order so that I don't get confused if I ever decide to re-read any of this. Me and my father were in the shopping centre getting a nice dress for me for his work function, he is the CEO of a major trading business, so he is a really important person and we have a lot of money, yeah so my father decided I needed a new, more beautiful dress that showed more leg and more cleavage so that he could look at me during the dinner. I hate it, and I HATE HIM! I wish he would just die, but the weirdest thing is I am grateful to him for one thing, he has put a roof over my head, he has feed me and clothed me in expensive clothing, he had sent me to school before mother had died, that's when it all started, I'm guessing it's because he misses her, I miss her every day and night. Anyway so we were shopping for my dress and once we had found one we had gone into tiffany's to find jewellery to match so we showed the shop keeper the dress and just as I was putting it back in the bag I heard a voice say out behind me  

" That's a lovely dress, however I'm guessing that it isn't for you John?" my father had started laughing then and turned to face the man who had spoken ( I'm sorry that I'm going into detail its just that in a tear or two when I re-read this I want to remember how horrible this boy was to me and how horrible my father was and how he never let me forget it) was the one and only Chris, he just looks at me like I'm a piece of meat and my father gives him a glare with a smile still on his face, god why do I always feel like a fricking piece of meat? That's a rhetorical question by the way I know exactly why I feel like a piece of meat, stupid fucking father, so anyway I keep getting side tracked I won't anymore promise. So there was Chris looking innocent towards my father, if only he knew *sigh*,  

"Your right Chris it isn't for me it's for Arabella here" signalling to me with is hand, Chris looks at me again,  

"I bet she would lovely in it as well" god flattery doesn't work with me, so I don't know why he tried, I get it ENOUGH from my father who was still glaring at Chris,  

"But I bet she would look even better out of it" and there he went ladies and gentlemen, he even had to add in his absolutely beautiful smug smile. That was the sentence that set my father off he doesn't like it when people that aren't him talk about me like that so he excused us and he took us home. The car ride home was quiet, but it was full of tension I knew something was going to happen when I get home, something bad, and I made a promise then and there in the car that I would make Chris see what I go through just to live. I would do anything just to be able to live a normal life, one that's not filled with fear. When we got home he had let me walk to the door by myself so that if anybody was watching it wouldn't look suspicious it was normal for him to let me do that, however once we were inside he was practically dragging me towards the bedroom once again.

As soon as we were in the room he turns to me and hits me across the face with his backhand and I fell to the floor, if there's one thing that I've learned is to not fight back, I just get in more trouble that way, so I stayed on the ground, he had picked me up and taken me to the bed where he started undressing himself while I just lay there staring up at the ceiling. He got angry by this and hit me across the face again, once he had taken his clothes off he had started to take mine off me slowly while kissing me at the time, if I didn't kiss him back I would be kept in the basement for one week with only water and 3 slices of bread to last the entire week. Once he had accidentally forgotten about me down there and I was down there for a whole moth and because of that I had to be in hospital for a decent 2 moths, ever since then I haven't taken his threats lightly, I do what he says I don't want to die so young, but how tings are going at the moment I wouldn't mind dying. Once he had my clothes off of me , he went down there and started kissing me, the next thing I know he's got himself inside of me and is grunting and panting, once he had reached his climax he keeps himself inside of me and just lays on me and goes to sleep. After that I felt disgusting, I felt as though my life had been taken away from me and I was forced to live it as somebody else, AKA my mother, he thinks I'm his wife, no he wants me to be his wife, wether I like it or not. I can tell you now that I DON'T like it. So while he was asleep I rolled him over so that I was on top of his and kissed him so that he didn't know I was up to something,