Alone on Cloud 9

Alone on Cloud 9 (19)

Mandy moved to the far end of the room, taking a seat at the edge of the sofa and Grace followed, sitting on the other end.

Not wanting to be stuck in the middle of my new and old best friends I claimed a spot on the second couch.

After arguing over a movie choice for a good ten minutes the boys finally decided on something and stuck it in the player.

Evan walked over and sank down between Grace and Mandy, flipping both arms out around their shoulders.

“I could definitely get used to this.”

Grace rolled her eyes at him and pushed his arm off, earning a hurt look, while Mandy smiled slightly shaking her head. I shot him a grateful look. If anyone could make Amanda feel less left out, it was Evan.

Of course, that meant Wes was left sitting next to me, and though I was far from complaining, I couldn’t even register what movie we were watching with him sitting so close, spreading out to take up half the couch in that way only boys can manage.

It was a relief when the doorbell rang since my inner swooning girl was on the verge of passing out, and I practically jumped off the chair to answer it.

My dad beat me there, pulling out his wallet and waving away my offer to pay. When I walked back into the room with the stack of steaming boxes I was glad to see everyone looked comfortable hanging out together. Evan seemed to be flirting with both my friends at once, getting mostly exasperated glares and the occasional reluctant smile.

While everyone was busy attacking the boxes I set on the table I slipped out of the room, making my way upstairs.

The noise of the TV gradually dimmed as I got further away until it was a just a slight buzz in the background. I knelt on the floor by my bed, digging around underneath for the brown envelope I’d shoved under there two days ago.

Instead my hands landed on the memory box. I pulled it out slowly, tracing a finger over the quotes I’d so carefully picked out and written down. I opened the lid, seeing all the memories I’d deemed worth keeping from three years ago, things I thought I never wanted to forget, and then I realized, I didn’t really want to keep them anymore.

Most of the scraps of paper in there were just a reminder of things I had finally gotten over, was finally at peace with. I didn’t need a flyer from the incident, reminding me of a hatred I didn’t even feel anymore, or that silly little card from ‘you know who’. Looking at those things that had meant so much to me, I couldn’t even think why I would want them.

Was this the ‘closure’ I’d been waiting so long for? Because it didn’t seem over, it didn’t seem like the story was over exactly, but maybe I was just finally moving forward, no longer stuck in the past with old wounds I’d left purposely open. Because looking back now at all he’d done, I didn’t feel a thing.

Sure, it was still wrong, it still haunted me in the halls behind closed doors and in whispered conversations, but I wasn’t chained down by it anymore, and there was no need to be trapped by this self-imposed prison.

I gathered up all the notes and letters, and anything having to do with Michael, placing them at the top of the box ready to throw away. I would have done it right away if I hadn’t noticed the corner of a slightly wrinkled brown envelope just peaking out from under the bed. It must have been dragged out along with the box.

I pushed my memory box off to the side and reached out for the envelope, feeling my pulse pick up just from having it in my hands. So much rested on this one slip of paper, a few words that could make or break the rest of my life.