Alone on Cloud 9

Alone on Cloud 9 (16)

My my, people seem to be judging Mandy quite harshly, which was certainly a turn for the unexpected. Before you jump to too many conclusions you may want to hear her side of the story… when I decide to tell you what it is ;)

From here on out the story will remain in the present, but for this chapter any large sections in italics are flashbacks from the past. They should be pretty obvious, so hopefully you won’t get confused =)

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Cheers,

xo.

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“Harsh words and violent blows, hidden secrets nobody knows. Eyes are open, hands are fisted, deep inside, I’m confused and twisted. So many tricks and so many lies, to many when’s and too many why’s. Nobody’s special, nobody’s gifted, it’s just me, confused and twisted. Sleeping awake and choking on a dream, listening loudly to a silent scream. Call my mind, the numbers unlisted, lost in someone so confused and twisted. Burnt out, wasted, empty, and hollow, today’s just yesterday’s tomorrow. The sun died out, the ashes sifted, I’m still here confused and twisted.

-Anonymous

Chapter 16                  Grade 12

May 13

"Are you okay?"

It took me a moment to realize someone was talking to me, and as I looked up into the pale blue eyes creased in concern, I had the feeling it wasn't the first time she'd asked the question.

The girl in front of me was wearing a pale peach cardigan over a white shirt with a gleaming silver G hanging from the pendant around her neck, but the name escaped me.

I vaguely remembered her as the overeager, always aiming to please girl in social class. She always sat in the front row, never fell asleep in class and seemed more likely to be seen hovering around the teachers desk before the start of class than talking to a friend.

And then the name came to me. Grace Howard.

I'd never even seen Grace in the cafeteria before and if I had to hazard a guess I'd say she didn't have very many friends, but she never seemed lonely or sad in her bubbly world, and she was the first person who’d came after me. A stranger, but the only one who bothered following the pathetic crying girl outside the cafeteria, so how could I judge past that?

"Are you okay?"

In theory, I knew that was the standard question to ask, but I was fairly certain the answer was obvious. 'Okay' was the exact opposite of what I was feeling. 'Okay' was something I didn't even think it was possible to feel anymore, but I felt my head nodding anyway, the standard response.

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You know that detached feeling you get like you're a bystander to your own life, a fly on the wall watching yourself go through the motions, like you’re just not all there. This was today, times ten, because today, not only was I not all there, most of me was stuck in the past, reliving the nightmare over and over again.