Before We Rise

Chapter 17

I huffed as my arms began to weaken. I retightened my grip on the bar as I jumped up to the next one. My body swung with the motion of the jump and my arms tightened at the stress my body put on my arms. I jumped up further and my fingers started to slip from the bar. I could feel the eyes of the recruits watching me from below, waiting for me. To either fail or conquer.

"She's pushing herself too hard. She just barely woke up a week ago. This is too much stress on her body too quickly." I heard Maria say from across the room. I clenched my jaw and forced myself higher on the bar.

"I know Maria. But I can't do anything about it. Once she sets her mind to something, she's bond to complete it. She is an Avenger after all." Sam replied back to her.

"Riley, please get down." Maria said. I looked down at her then at the padded mat below me. I cocked my head and jumped further up. "Riley, you're going to hurt yourself. Get down."

"Riley, do what she says." Sam added on. I tightened my grip on the bar as my fingers continued to slip.

"Riley!" My fingers slipped as Maria called my name again. My body landed hard on the mat as gasps filled the room. Sam ran to me to help me up but I shoved him away.

"God damn it, Sam. You just couldn't leave it alone, could you?" I hissed at him, giving him the stink eye.

"Riley, you are pushing yourself to hard. Do you not realize that? You could seriously hurt yourself." Sam explained.

"You don't understand, Sam. I'm trying...." I trailed off.

"Trying to do what?" He asked.

"I'm trying to feel whole again. I'm trying to be the Avenger I'm supposed to be." I admitted. He gave me a confused look.

"You are an Avenger." He reminded me.

"I don't feel like one. I feel useless, Sam. If I feel that way, then I can't be an Avenger. Avengers are supposed to be ready for everything. No one knows what it feels like to die. To be trapped in endless darkness for so long changes a person. It changed me, Sam. I'm not the same person who was shot in Sokovia. I'm different, Sam. I don't like it but what else am I supposed to do about it than this?" I looked around at all the tear filled eye recruits. I smiled through the tears that slipped down my cheeks, laughing slightly. "Maybe I'm not meant to be an Avenger anymore and I'm okay with that. I shouldn't be but I am. Now if you'll excuse, I think I'm going to take that break now."

I could feel everyone's eyes follow me out of the room. I shoved open the door to the training room and leaned against the wall. I pressed a hand to my mouth as I sobbed into it. I heaved out as I quickly wiped away all the tears and started walking down the hall to my room. Well I wouldn't call it my room. It's more like a room assigned to a patient. It's more like a jail cell than a room.

"Riley?" I instantly stopped moving and turned to look down the hall. Then I was crushed by two arms coming around me, tears hitting my neck. "You're okay. I can't believe you're okay."

It was the first time I had been held like this in days. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she tightened her arms around me.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." I whispered into her ear as she cried into my neck. She pulled back, looking at me. Tears streamed down her face as she bit her lip, holding back sobs.

"Sam said that...that something happened but he didn't say what. We were so worried." She said.

"We?" I asked. Wanda nodded.

"Steve and I. They put us on a mission together. They wanted me to have a little more practice in the field." She answered. I nodded. She yanked me in a hug again and I looked over her shoulder, seeing the red, white, and blue uniform. His face held no emotion. Wanda pulled back as she wiped her tears away.

"Wanda, you have to get debriefed." Steve said from behind her. Wanda turned to him then back to me.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I nodded and she rubbed my arm before walking away. Steve stared at me before walking towards me.

He grabbed my arm before forcing me to follow him. He jerked open the door to my room before shoving me inside. He slammed me back against the door, shutting it with the weight of my body falling back on it. Both his hands gripped my face as his lips found mine.

I instantly started kissing back, missing the feeling of his lips against mine. I placed one hand on his cheek and the other on the side of his chest. His lips were rough and soft at the same time. He groaned slightly before letting go of my face and reaching down, placing his hands behind my knees. He jerked them up and around his waist.

He moved impossibly closer to me, which I don't know how it's humanly possible that he did since he's already close enough to me like second skin. He reached up, yanking my hair out of my ponytail and ran his hand through the messed up hair. He wrapped his arm around my back and moved us away from the wall.

He tossed me down on the bed and then crawled on top of me. He looked down at my shoulder and I knew what he was looking at. One of the scars from the bullets. He rubbed it with his thumb before leaning down, kissing the scar. His other hand gripped my hip as he moved back to my lips and kissing them before pulling back slightly.

"God, I love you so much." His breathless whisper brushed against my lips.

"What did you just say?"