Nightspell || Michael Clifford

Chapter 17

'Okay, so this is where our veggies come from.' Michael said as we stopped walking.
We weren't too far away from the cabin and I was really happy about that.
I didn't think my leg could take much more today. I had told Michael that my leg hurt this morning so I skipped the rounds but I felt fine when he got back so I decided to join him to go food hunting.
Though it wasn't really a hunt.
There was a big space of farm land spreading out right in front of us. Vegetables were growing everywhere and I had to admit I was very impressed.
'This is incredible.' I said. 'But you can never eat all of this by yourself...right?'
'No, everything that I have left at the end of the month will go back to Australia and they'll sell it there.' Michael explained.
I nodded 'And I'm guessing we're here to pluck everything that's good to eat?'
'Yes we are.' Michael agreed.
I looked at all the vegetables in front of me, squinting my eyes to see if maybe I could find a difference in shades but deep down I knew it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to.
'Eh...I eh... I can't help you with that.' I mumbled. God how much I wished I had a normal functioning body right now.
'Because of your leg?' Michael asked, he didn't sound surprised or disappointed. He sounded interested and prepared. As if had seen this coming all along.
'No. It wouldn't be easy to do with my leg but it's not impossible. The reason I can't help you is because my leg is not the only body part that doesn't work the way it should.' I looked up at Michael, he did look surprised now.
'I'm colorblind.' I said, my hands pulling through my hair as I looked at the vegetables on my left. 'All these vegetables look green to me. I can't see the difference between an edible vegetable and one that's not edible yet.'
Michael was silent for a minute, not sure what to say.
'Why didn't you tell me that before?' he asked eventually.
'It's not something I like to share with everyone I meet.' I replied, looking down at my feet.
I felt bad about this. I didn't know why but I felt as if I had let him down somehow.
'Understandable.' Michael nodded 'You can do something else instead if you want.'
He looked at me, not sure what I could or couldn't do and I could feel my heart drop in my chest. This is why I didn't like telling anyone.
Everyone I've told this to suddenly started seeing me differently, and because of that they also started treating me differently. Just like when my leg got stuck during the car accident.
They started treating me as if I was made of paper. As if everytime they'd say something, they'd rip me apart with no way of fixing me up again afterwards.
I was glad that Michael hadn't treated me like that when we first met, but he seemed to be doing it now. I didn't want to be treated like that.
Sure I wasn't unbreakable but no one is. I had grown up with harsh words and tough decisions. I could handle a little bump in the road every now and then.
'I'm sorry.' I said, feeling like I had to apologize. 'I'd love to help you out with this, but I don't want to ruin it or just give you more work later.'
'No,' Michael frowned, pulling me in a hug 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I was just thinking about everything I asked you to do that was hard for you because you couldn't see the difference. I'm sorry if I put you on the spot like that.'
'It's alright.' I swallowed, pulling back from our hug. 'I was born with this so I've never seen the world any differently than I do now. I just don't want you to feel sorry for me. Just treat me like you did before. As if you don't know I'm colorblind. If I can't do something or I can't keep something apart I'll tell you. I just don't want you to make a big deal out of it.' I said.
Michael looked at me, listened to every word I said and nodded.
'I'm not trying to start an argument here but it kind of is a big deal.'
I shook my head, looking at the trees around us as the frustration started bubbling up in my chest. 'It's not a big deal. Not to me. I just see the world in different shades of green and some random blodges of blue here and there. That's all it is. You didn't seem to feel all that bad for me when I told you about my leg, what's so different about this?' I argued, slowly started to get fed up with him. I was sick of people feeling bad for me.
'I did feel bad for you. I just figured you wouldn't want me to so I tried not to show it.' Michael said calmly.
'Then why can't you pretend not to care now?'
'Because...your leg being like this is something you had to get used to. I can't do anything to help you with that except search for easier paths to walk on. You being colorblind is completely different from that,' Michael said, trying to keep himself calm but I could see his frustration starting to break through. 'You are used to being colorblind, but I'm not used to someone around me being colorblind. I get that you don't want me to feel sorry for you. I understand. But in turn you have to understand that maybe I need some time to let this sink in. Because if I know what you have trouble with and what you don't have trouble with we can find you other things to do.'
'But I don't want that! I don't want you to have to think of something else for me to do because it's always going to be less important. I don't want to.-'
'I'm not saying it's going to be less important!' Michael interrupted me. 'You can go check our water supply or start the rounds or see if we've already caught some fish. Nothing that either of us do on this island will be less important than what the other person is doing.'
I looked at him, realizing he was probably right but I was too stubborn and frustrated to admit it.
My heart was beating fast, as if I just finished running a marathon and tears were prickling behind my eyes. This always happened. After I had an argument with someone I'd always feel like bursting into tears. I just never let them out when other people were around.
'Which way is the cabin?' I asked, my jaw clenched tightly as I looked at the trees.
'Bailey, can we jus.-'
'Which way.' I interrupted, wanting nothing more than to get away from him right now.
'You'll get lost.'
'I can't get lost we're on an island.' I said, the tears now threatening to spill.
I could feel Michael's stare on me, but I refused to look at him.
'Just...go to the big tree you see in the middle over there and then turn right. You should be at the beach in 10 minutes.'
I nodded, and walked to the tree he had pointed out. 'But...Bailey,' he said, his voice soft and filled with guilt. 'Be careful and look for things you can recognize so you'll be able to find your way back here if you can't find the cabin.'
I didn't reply as I turned right when I reached the tree and disappeared into the forest.
The tears now freely rolling down my cheeks.