Our Space

Chapter 37

"But they're like family," Sami argued, confused at Radia's reasoning.

"But they're not your mahrams, are they? What about your colleagues? What about Colleen and Stacey who you used to talk to? Didn't you joke with them? Didn't Colleen even give you a wedding gift? Stop being such a hypocrite."

"I'm not a hypocrite!" Sami said as he sat up feeling defensive. Then he tried to calm himself down and explain to Radia why he was worried about her speaking to men so casually. "The difference is, none of those people are going to like me. You, on the other hand, are stunning. I fell for you frighteningly quick and I'm scared someone else might too."

"Sami, I'm going to be honest here. I have a cleft chin and terrible acne. Alhamdulillah for what Allah has blessed me with but I'm a far cry from what's considered beautiful these days so you can get that nonsense out of your head."

"Really? So you're saying no one's ever liked you before?"

"Two people have and one of the two ran away because I have acne on my back. I don't know what you view me as but I'm pretty sure the world disagrees so you can get over this paranoia. It's driving both of us mad and I'm afraid this simply cannot carry on," Radia explained. Sami was feeling increasingly agitated.

"What do you mean?"

"Honestly, what future do you see if we continue to act like this?"

"What the heck is that supposed to mean? Are you saying you want to leave me?" Sami came to the edge of his seat, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. But how on earth do you expect us to continue like this? Every day is starting to feel like a struggle. There's always tension and arguments. I've had enough. This needs to stop right now." Tears were forming in Radia's eyes and Sami's heart beat frantically in his chest.

"No, this isn't fair. This time, I controlled myself and I was over it by the time we got to the car. You decided you didn't want to talk to me. Why are you blaming this all on me?"

"I'm not blaming you but the way you talk and the face you make when you get all jealous, it's embarrassing. First you act like that in front of Pritesh, who had to message me on facebook asking if you were abusive. I had to tell him that everything was fine and make up an excuse about how you were having a bad day. Then you go for weeks without talking to your best friend. Now you embarrass me in front of Zayna. When we're out, you're pulling me this way and that, constantly adjusting my hijab and whatnot. I'm tired of it all."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?"

"I suggest you just stop all this nonsense. And stop going reacting with one extreme or another. Usually, you're way too close talking way too much. I have no time and no space to myself. And today, you're being the total opposite and ignoring me. Can't you strike a balance?"

"What... what are you saying? Are you sick of me?" Sami asked, his chest constricting causing a physical pain. Everything felt like it was falling apart. He felt like he was going to be left alone again. What of he lost Radia? He wouldn't be able to cope. He didn't have the strength. Things were becoming blurred and he didn't know how to react.

"No. No, Sami, I'm not sick of you but I am becoming sick of the way we're living." By now, tears were spilling out of Radia's eyes which only worsened Sami's pain. He was making her cry. She didn't deserve this. Sami rubbed his face.

"I'm trying," Sami managed to whisper. He got up and sat next to Radia. "What do you want me to do?"

"I just told you! I've had enough of this for the day," Radia said, getting up and running to their bedroom. Sami ran after her but Radia had already shut the door by the time he reached the room. He sat outside, his head in his hands.