Our Space

Chapter 31

"So you mean you actually had a real panic attack? You weren't speaking figuratively? It was literally a panic attack?" Radia asked, squeezing her wet hair with a towel.

"Yeah," Sami replied, making the bed. Rather, he'd made the bed already but he was straightening all the creases.

"What was that like?"

"I just struggled to breathe for a few moments. Had to sit for a bit against a wall but it was over quickly and I was on my way," Sami explained, not giving it much thought. He turned to see Radia's eyes wide and glazed over.

"I'm sorry," she said, on the verge of bursting into tears.

"Oh Lord," Sami said, chuckling as he ran a hand through his hair. "That's way in the past. Why are you tearing up over it now? Why are you tearing up over it at all, I didn't."

"I feel like that was my fault."

"It wasn't anyone's fault. Now forget about that and tell me, is this shirt too tight? I think you've been feeding me too much."

"It looks fine," Radia said, turning away. Sami caught himself staring at Radia again, wondering how it was that he was finally living his dream. How was it that this amazing woman was his wife? That he was allowed to hold her and kiss her. Smiling at the thought, he approached her and put his arms around her.

"You smell good."

"Sami! My hair's still wet."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"This is uncomfortable. Give me some space. When my hair dries, then I'll be okay."

"Why would you want any space at all? It sucks."

"No it doesn't. It's something which is necessary and healthy. A few years back, I was going nuts because I felt like I didn't have space to breathe. Most nights I had to share my bed with Nadia, Sadia's stuff would be everywhere and I always seemed to be on Zaki duty. Too many people everywhere all the time."

"So you don't want me to hold you?" Sami asked, his arms loosening their hold on Radia.

"Just not while my hair's wet," Radia replied, picking up a bottle on her dressing table. Sami let go of her and stepped back feeling embarrassment and a hint of hurt. For a moment, a flash of his relationship with his mother and sister came into his mind and he wondered if that would happen with Radia. He quickly shook the ridiculous thought away. There was no way he could be so awkward and distant with his wife as he was with the rest of his family. That could never happen; Sami and Radia were already so comfortable around each other.

"My frizz ease has finished!" Radia complained dramatically, snapping Sami out of his thoughts. "Oh no, today's the Walima too. My hair's going to look a mess."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Sami mumbled.

"No, you haven't seen my hair without frizz ease. It's like my hair's kind of straight but really coarse. And if I straighten it with a straightener, it'll look dead."

"If it means that much to you, shall I go and get it?" Sami asked, hoping that if he were to do something nice for Radia, it would ease the embarrassment which still seemed to be burning inside of him.

"Nah, I'm sure someone will have something to help. I'll just dry my hair without the serum then." Radia opened a drawer to take out her hairdryer and plugged it in. Sami stood rooted on the spot; thinking about whether Radia was annoyed at him for having hugged her while her hair was wet. "Are you okay?" Radia asked. Sami nodded as he left the room.