Our Space

Chapter 7

While preparing to move into this new house, Sami wondered whether he would no longer feel lonely as he'd be surrounded by a family, even if they weren't his family. Perhaps their laughter and chatting would keep Sami from feeling that despair which was usually worsened by silence.

The first month went by fairly well. The newness of everything kept Sami distracted from his usual depressing thoughts. But soon, Sami was beginning to feel settled and the excitement of this new pace was wearing off.

Sami could hear the footsteps, the laughter and the teasing in the family while he kept himself locked away in his room. He wished he had a family like that. He kept the thought out of his mind for so long but seeing this family's bond was causing his heart to ache.

Again, he reminded himself of the future in which he could have a family like this, except he'd have the father's role rather than the son. He stopped himself from trying to think about how life would have been if his family was normal. Sami reminded himself that he was living the life Allah had planned for him. Perhaps if he had a bond with his family that he wished for, he wouldn't have been able to discover the beauty of Islam.

All of Sami's family appeared distant from Islam. He didn't know what was in their hearts; maybe they were closer to Allah than he could ever be. But his mother, father, sister, uncles, aunts and even cousins never called Sami to Islam. Rather, the last time Sami met his uncle, he was ridiculed for his attempts at growing a beard. It was a short wispy mess during his mid-teens. His cousins had labelled him as a weirdo long ago, when he was a shy little boy. Turning towards Islam didn't improve their view of him. They regarded him as judgmental though Sami thought it ironic.

Sami was scrolling through his phone while chewing on the drawstring in his hoodie, looking for a distraction. He could hear laughter downstairs and he was wishing he could be a part of it. Sami's head snapped up when there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" He asked, temporarily taking the drawstring out of his mouth.

"My mum said you can come down to get your food," A female voice said on the other end of the door. Sami wondered why they didn't send one of their sons to call him, like they usually did. He kept such a strict distance from the family that he'd barely seen their daughter. It was the first time they were communicating.

"Okay," Sami said, before popping the drawstring back into his mouth. It was a habit of his which he barely noticed.

Sami stuffed his phone into his pocket and made his way to the door. When he opened it, he saw the girl still standing there, causing the drawstring to fall from his mouth. She was fixing her hijab when she looked up at him with beautiful light brown eyes and Sami wondered why he'd never paid any attention to her. She was really pretty.

"Sorry, I should go," She said, looking slightly panicked. She hurried off and Sami watched after her in a daze. Then he shook his head and scolded himself. This wasn't acceptable. He was determined to not even look her way again. Her parents had trusted him to live with them and he wouldn't do anything to risk breaking that trust.

Again, he remembered another one of Uncle Ahsan's speeches and closed his eyes as he recalled the words.

"To say the second look at a woman is haram sounds very strict and difficult, doesn't it? Well, it will sound worse when you're older. But there's more to it than that. It's the second look out of desire which should be avoided. You see, Islam eliminates the foundations of what could cause haram acts. Looking can lead to talking and talking can lead to a lot more. I've seen it happen. Besides, no one would want the women in their family to be looked at with lust and desire. It's better to save that for your wife!"