Fleeting

05.

That night was a night of many firsts for him and I.

It had been months since that one time when I thought our friendship would flourish into something more. Almost a year since the first time we met. For most of that year, I had been hopelessly in like with you. The feeling had been unreciprocated, of course, since that one time on my bedroom floor, but for the most part I didn't mind.

It wasn't until almost the end of my second year in college that I decided to stop pining after you. Summer was due to start in almost a month and I would be gone for half of it. I knew that if I were to leave, still feeling romantic towards you, it would end in heartbreak. So I stopped seeing you every day. I made up excuses as to why I couldn't grab ice cream that day and booked myself for more hours at work.

In my head I thought that if I were busy enough and saw you less then it would be easier. And it was. Not seeing you every day helped to make me think that maybe the crush wasn't as deep as I thought it was, and only spawned from my familiarity with you. Of course you figured something was wrong. You never vocalized your fears though. We still did the same things as always, just less frequently and less intimately.

I decided that having you over at my house so often was not productive, so we spent more time in the ice cream shop instead. And when we did go to my house, I made sure not to lie too close to you -- far enough that we weren't touching.

Soon enough I began to look at other guys, and they began to look back. One of my regulars at work whom I had recently began to notice more finally asked me out on a date. I couldn't tell if you were pleased or not. I had told you before that I was lonely, and when you found out about him you claimed to be happy for me, but your eyes had always screamed the truth at me and your eyes betrayed the joy in your voice.

It wasn't until our third date that you finally spoke out. He and I had gone to the movies together. At the end of the night he walked me back home. It was sweet, just as the kiss at the end, and that was it. Only a minute after I had closed my door though, there was a knock. I opened it expecting to see my date. I was going to ask if he had forgotten something, but the words died on my lips when I saw you standing in my doorway.

You looked the same you did on most days, beautifully dangerous, but it was different. The rage behind your eyes made you look more dangerous than beautiful. It scared me because never in the almost year that I'd known you, had I ever seen you so full of anger. Annoyed? Yes. But never furious and never at me.

Yet you were. There was no mistaking that your rage was for me.

"Blake? Wh-what are you doing here? Come inside, its freezing out there."

You ignored me. Instead looking to my shoulders and asking, "Is that his jacket?" Sure enough when I looked down I realized that I had in fact forgotten to return my date's blazer.

I struggled for something to say knowing that the wrong answer would set you off. I said nothing in favor of quietly slipping it off my shoulders and throwing it over the back of a chair.

You followed the movement with your eyes, waiting until it was fully out of reach to take my advice and step inside.

I asked you again what you were here for. It was late, almost midnight, but your eyes looked as awake as ever. All that barely contained rage was trying to escape and you were doing your best to keep it in.

"Why do you keep going out with him?"

I stood shocked. I didn't have an answer for you. Not one that would anger you any less. How could I have told you that I was dating him because you refused to be anything more than friends? That I had found someone who wasn't ashamed to admit their attraction towards me? I couldn't. Because that would be breaking our silent agreement to never mention what had taken place a few months ago. To admit that while you wished for only friendship, I had longed for companionship. No, I couldn't admit that to you. Especially when I thought that maybe my feelings toward you were misplaced anyway.

"Lucy, why?"

"Because I like him, Blake. I think I like him a lot." I looked away from the storm in your eyes.

"You like him?" You spat at me. "You're so foolish. You think you like him a lot? Please. You don't know anything!"

Your words were harsh and brought tears to my eyes but there was no way I'd let you see them. You'd come to my house with the intent to hurt my feelings and I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of knowing you'd achieved that goal.

"I know more than you think I do. I may not be as intelligent or as articulate as you, but I understand human emotions and I know how I feel towards him. I know that I want to continue to date him. And I know that you have no right to be mad at me for being happy!" Sure that my tears were gone, I looked at you. "You don't get to be upset with me. I've done nothing to wrong you. Maybe you should leave and come back when you understand boundaries."

You leaned against my wall and laughed harshly. "No right? Of course I've got every right. You're prancing around dating that guy when you know fully well how I-" you stopped. Your unspoken words hung in the air between us. You had made a mistake and you knew it. This time, I didn't bother to hide the tears welling up. I used them as my weapon against you. Wielding them like a sword determined to pierce straight through your heart. And when I knew that my weapon had hit its mark, I spoke loud and clear despite the lump in my throat.

"Get out."

And you were shocked.

You were shocked because in the time we had been spending time together, never had you heard me speak with so much resolve behind my words.

Never had you seen me cry because of something you did.

Never had we spoken or acted with the intent to hurt one another, but that night...

Both of us walked away with scars that nobody else would be able to see.

[A/N]

I'm sorry for the sad chapter, but it had to happen. In fact, this was not the ending I had planned for this chapter, but this was the ending that made more sense.
Please don't forget to vote and/or comment.
-Livia :)

Written: July 23, 2016
Posted: July 23, 2016