The Woman You Left

Chapter 15

Hurt.

That's the feeling I've been feeling the moment our eyes met.

Having him in a spacious place alone makes it suffocating.  Weird. But that exactly what I've been feeling at the moment. How does it possible, I don't even have a clue.

Regret

The image of the past came rushing at the back of my mind like a roaring thunder. Just because of him. Him.

Silly it is but I was still wondering of the what ifs. Na sana ganito. Sana ganyan. If only I didn't let go and keep on holding on that slightest possition in him kahit sa papel lang, magiging maganda ba sana ang lahat? Na kahit durog na durog kna nagagawa mo pa din kumapit kahit pilit nitong tinatangal ang kakarampot na karapatang kinakapitan ko sa mga salitang lumalatay sa buong pagkatao ko.

My babies, hindi sila lalaki ng walang ama at maibibigay sana sa kanila ang kung ano man ang nararapat sa kanila. Ang mga gusto nila na hindi ko kayang mapunan.

Ipinilig ko ang aking ulo para itigil ang kahibangan ko. Kahit naman ano pa ang mga what ifs na yan wala naman ng magbabago.

Things happened. It can never be undo. No space for regret. Or so i thought, dahil kahit anong gawin kong pagpipigil at pagsita saking sarili kusa itong kumakawala. And I hate it. So much

The feeling of guilt is eating my inside, just because of seeing him. 'How dare you!' gusto ko itong singhalan. Ipalasap kung anong mga masasakit na pinagdaanan ko sa kamay nito. Saktan ito hanggang sa makumtento ako. But I was too weak to shout, to weak to make some drastic moves on how to kill this man.

'He's not worth it!'

Yes he's not so snap out from it and gather yourself together!

Iniiwas ko ang aking paningin sa mala hipnotismong mga mata nito. Ayokong malunod muli sa mga titig nito. Dalang dala na ako. And I've already learned from the worst. The hardest

Muling ibinalik ko ang mata sa ngayon ay ang paglalapat ng labi ng liwanag at dilim hanggang sa tuluyan ng lamunin ng dilim ang kalangitan. The sight has its blow. Making me want to scream in pain. But something in me won't let me.

I turn my back ready to march my way back to our suit when someone grab my arm only to bump to a hard wall. Napasinghap ako sa bilis ng pangyayari. One moment there's this distance separating us and then we're close, to close for my liking. I was trap to his strong biscept, squizing me enough to breath goddamnit! bakit ang hirap pa rin huminga kahit na ganun.

'Shit'

At the back of my mind, I was cursing myself for being too atracted to this man. I hate my body for wanting him kahit na anong pagpipigil ng utak ko.

I'm dead.

"Victoria."

Kumibot ang labi ko sa pagbangit nito ng aking pangalan. Ibubuka ko na sana ang aking bibig para singhalan ito pero agad din inikom. I don't trust myself at the moment. If I did, siguradong pagsisisishan ko lang ang kung anong masasabi ko dito. Worst is, kung maymasabi man ako na hindi naman talaga nararapat.

I just close my eyes tightly controlling my emotions that wants to burst. Jesus!

Breath! Breath!

"We need to talk."

I tense. The fuck. Of course we need to talk. Hindi naman ito maiiwasan. Dadating at dadating kami sa puntong kailangan namin mag-usap, pag-usapan ang lahat.

What to do? Where to start? Ugh I must be crazy! Mabuti na lang at madilim na, he wont see my misery.

After those words left his mouth he let go of me and took 3 steps backward. Relief and disappointment consumed me. Which makes me hate him more.
The fire in me long lost forgotten became awake, alert... burning.

"I don't think we--"

"So when are you planing to tell me about my kids. Oh! Do you even have plans on telling me?" Nang-uuyam na putol nito sa aking sasabihin.

Okay. He has the right to be mad when it comes to you kids Vic. Calm down please.

"Yes." malinaw saking paningin ang ngising nakapaskil dito kahit sa dilim. "But not tonight."

Magsasalita na sana ulit ito ng mabilis kong dinuktungan ang aking sasabihin bago pa ito kumontra.

"9 am. Sa pusod ng paraiso."