Imperfectly Perfect

Chapter 34 - Goodbye

"It's okay," she says. "I kind of guessed it."

A tiny tear rolls down my face as I finally meet my gaze with her. "I'm sorry, aunty. I'm really very sorry."

She smiles at me and hugs me tight.

"Have you booked a cab?" she asks once we pull away.

"No," I shake my head, sniffing.

"You take your time and come down. I'll book the cab for you and send someone to help you with the luggage."

"Thank you," I smile.

The landlady turns on her heels and leaves the apartment. I take a deep sigh and put each suitcase and bag out of the flat. Once I'm done, I take a look around and shake my head in immense pain. Images from the past 3 months flash in hurried succession before my eyes and they become watery instantly. Not spending much time inside, I quickly grab the keys from the kitchen counter and step out of the flat for the very last time.

Two young boys come up and smiles at me. I assume the landlady sent them to pick up my luggage.

"Hi, ma'am," one of them greets me.

"Hi," I smile. "Are you here to pick up my luggage?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Okay, thank you," I nod back as the two of them get to work.

I pick up the three smaller bags and make my way towards Liam and Niall's apartment, also for the very last time. Their apartment key is still in my purse after Liam dropped it with me and I fetch it out of it.

Twisting the key in the lock, I open the door and expose the place before my eyes. I can't take the image for a longer time so I simply step in and shut the door behind me. I walk around the dead empty apartment with my heels making a clanking noise against the floor.

When I enter Niall's room, my body instantaneously turns numb. The bed is gone and so are the nightstands, but my mind is fresh with memory from only a few days before. I sit at one corner of the room with my knees before my chest.

I think of the time Niall and I spent together and an agitated feeling rises in my mind. I feel anger at the thought that of all people, he was chosen to have this fate.

This makes me sad and I put my hands atop my knees and rest my chin on them.

Suddenly, a piece of paper comes to my notice. I narrow my eyes and rise to my feet. It's actually the corner of a paper that's coming out from the inbuilt wardrobe of the room. When I open the wardrobe and stoop down, I find that it's an envelope.

And, to my utmost astonishment it has my name on it. In fact, the name that only Niall called me by.

My heartbeats race up and I quickly tear open the envelope. It carries a letter, which I only take a few minutes to realize was written by Niall himself.

Dear Noddy,

It's strange that I'm even writing this letter. I'm not a writer, hell I'm not even a reader. And, I know of all people I shouldn't be writing to you because you'll certainly judge me for my flaws. Also, I know I've hidden this envelope in a very strange way, but I wanted to make sure only you see it and no one else.

Here I'm sitting next to you while you sleep peacefully. And, I know my time is only until this night. I'm sorry for making a false promise to you. I can't wake up next to you tomorrow morning.

My heartbeats have slowed down and I can barely keep my eyes open. I couldn't have the face to tell you because I know how much you're already hurt. But, baby I'm tired. I'm very tired. I want this to get over and death is the only way I can be free.

I don't want you to take it upon yourself. You've absolutely no reason to blame yourself. You came to my life when I was already sick and you still chose to stick by me. There was every obvious sign before you to give up hope, but you never stopped believing in our love. Even when my family and I did.

Your love and support is what I'm most grateful to be leaving with from this world. You made my last days in life the most happening and special in my entire existence.

I'm sorry for all the times I had hurt you. And, I'm sorry even now. But, you must know one thing that from the very first moment I saw you I knew I had fallen for you. I tried very hard to stop myself from feeling this way because I knew what my situation is, but I guess an angel always has the last word to say in this world.

And, you had your effect on me. I loved you and I kept falling for you more and more every single day.

Life is strange. It gives you a load of happiness when you don't expect it and then takes it away from you as well, once again against your expectation. You came to my life against my expectation and I'm being pulled away from you, against yours.

However, this is not the end for you. I don't want you to sit back, spend your life crying and grieving for me. You're a beautiful, young girl with a very crazy brain and a beautiful heart. I want you to move on, no matter how much time you take. I want to see you smile, laugh, happy and just yourself – the cracked Nadia I'm so crazy for.

I want you to know that it's okay to fall in love again and have everything that our relationship couldn't give you. That way, I can rest in peace and happiness. Seeing you happy will make me happy.

And, I know you love me enough to keep my last wish.

Take care of yourself.

I love you.

Niall.