How To Begin Again

Chapter 15 - Love Is Mean And Love Hurts

Chapter 15 - Love Is Mean And Love Hurts

Adriana wept. The tears slowly crawled down her face before falling onto the ground. The sky was covered with a quilt of thick, black clouds that seemed to represent Adriana's emotion. Adriana's garden had recently been her sanctuary and where she had spent the majority of her time. She would sit and cry most days, sometimes alone and sometimes into the shoulders of her mother. Adriana could not let him escape her mind. 'I don't even know him'. The words constantly patrolled through her head along with her memory of him. He had made no attempt to contact her, no calls, no text, no nothing. All she had was a faint memory, his black hair which perfectly matched his soft grey eyes. The eyes she had fell into and had never seemed to escape. She felt as though she was still falling, falling for him, over and over again. He had her by her heart.

'Did I mean anything to him,' She thought 'It's always me that gets let down.'

Her thoughts wondered back, before Matt - the name which felt so familiar to her despite the fact that she had only spent a few hours with him. She remembered how the trust she had for Jamie had been ripped apart and thrown back into her face. Adriana had realised only to trust herself in life for everyone is bound to let you down at some point. The blur of colours; the loud music. She could feel her heart being set alight again. The burning sensation that had caused her to lose control. The event that had caused her emotions to be ripped right from her chest. Adriana knew it was too good to be true that night. She could feel the icy air seep into her lungs and the problems which flooded through her head twisted and turned inside her, and yet again she was led back to him. His soft grey eyes. 

As the sense of nostalgia came to Adriana her mind let go of the world. It was too much for her. Yet again she was drowning in the sea of her own troubles as her brained switched off and the world went black. Her head fell gracefully as she toppled to the ground. Adriana's thoughts were too much for her.

*

Jemima and Naomi listened intently as Emily told them the story about how it all started with Evan. 'It just all happened so quickly,' Emily spoke with obvious admiration in her voice 'We were sat there getting some fresh air on the bench and it just happened.'

'I still can't believe how fast the night went' Jemima said in shock

'Me and Jemima went out looking for Adriana but we couldn't find her anywhere,' Naomi added. 'She seemed quiet as soon as we met her.'

'She definitely wasn't being herself' Emily said with a tone of anxiety. 'I'm still worried about her, she hasn't been answering any  of my calls but I guess she just wants some time alone'

'Maybe we should go and see her' Naomi replied.

'I think I'll drop by tomorrow and see how she's doing' Emily said, speaking much quieter this time. She was truly worried about Adriana as it was not like her, not like her at all.

*

'Adriana... Adriana' The words were unclear as Adriana regained consciousness. Her mum sat her up on the porch step and looked into her eyes, 'Are you okay my darling?'  The words still mixed into one as Adriana unsteadily was brought back to reality. 

'Yes I'm f-fine... I just felt uneasy and then I must've... just l-lost it.' Her voice was fulled with unease as Ashley pulled her head close.

'I was so worried about you, I just saw you lying on the floor and I thought I had lost you'

'I feel like I'm going crazy mum, I just can't cope with my own thoughts anymore'

'You know you can always speak to me about anything Ade.' Ashley's words were riddled with concern. Adriana wasn't used to the comfort from her mum but it felt nice to finally be wanted again. 

To be wanted by someone is something that we always want in our lives and Adriana had gone without that someone for so long. A hole had been torn in her heart the day she knew she had lost her mother for good. It remained as clear as crystal in Adriana's mind and she had never once spoken about it with anyone; not even Emily. She had kept the secret for a long time and didn't plan on ever sharing it with anyone. A memory that she had tried to shut out for most of her life always came back knocking. Adriana thought about that day, that cold winter day, the day she had lost everything.