B R E A T H E

ten.

i'm gonna breathe

his eyes opened. they came into focus in a bright room. was he in the hospital? he shifted his eyes and saw troye. his curls were flattened and scattered his eyes weren't the bright blue that he'd always find captivating, they were starting to fade much like his very own.

"troye..." his voice was quiet and weak.

troye sprung to life leaned forward and grabbed a hold of connor's hand. the amount of joy that rang through his body when he heard the boys voice was explainable, even it was weak. it was something. he could've easily died, he could've easily killed himself, but he didn't. 

"connor, i'm so glad to hear that voice. if you-." troye had began.

"but i didn't, i had the choice to when i was in this place, but i didn't." connor said giving himself faint smile.

"wha-." 

"i don't get it either but i talked to myself. he told me i was worthless and no one would ever love me, i started to believe him... then i heard your voice, your sweet voice," connor carefully turned his head so he could properly look at troye. "and it made me want to live. you're my drive troye. it took me awhile to believe that."

there was nothing said after that. both boys had been thinking of the words they had been wanting to shared with each other but never had the courage to do so. all troye knew was that connor was alive, and that was because of him. he'd been in the darkness, dancing with he demons for a long time that he'd forgotten what it felt like to feel. the other had been in the light he'd forgotten what it felt like to experience darkness and desire. in their own twisted way both boys forgotten how to breathe. they had forgotten what it was like to have these different emotions all at once to have crave desire and longing bounce in their head. 

"and you are my drive too. i didn't realize it until now. you've given me this emotion that's not explainable but it's addicting. when i saw you lying there i felt as if it was my fault. as if i was the reason you wanted to end your life." troye said looking down.

"no." connor said. "you weren't the reason i wanted to do something so drastic. i was, or at least i thought it was me. i realized a lot in the the time i thought that i was dead. i realized what's happening to us happened to sam and her girlfriend. she'll probably kill me for telling you but her girlfriend committed suicide and sam blamed it on herself. so when i was in this threshold i told myself i'm not gonna let what happened to sam happy to you, i love you too much." 

troye looked up. "you-you love me?" 

connor blushed. "yeah, you don't love me do you? oh my good i should't have said that! i'm sorry i made this so awkward i should've just kept my mouth sh-."

"hey, hey, hey," troye said placing a hand on connor's face. "it's okay, i love you too." 

it had been forever since connor heard someone says those words to him. it made his heart swell with nothing but love and his eyes fill with so much light. this is what he longed for. happiness. he went through hell to get it but it was worth it. he had such a beautiful boy in front of him that told him he loved him and meant it. he had a friend that was worried sick and waiting for new on what the boys current state was. 

what was his current state anyway? 

his current state was happy but his mental state was changing. it was moving into the light his darkened past faded into a grey one that was had to remember. the demons had went to their grave bringing back his angels. had he done it? did he make it? maybe there no real way of telling. or maybe there is. maybe there's this light that he'd been waiting for. maybe it was troye.

or maybe it was the happy six year old boy finally making its way back again.