B R E A T H E

eight.

had he been here for days? maybe hours.

weeks?

minutes?

he didn't know anymore, he didn't know anything. reality was mixing with dreams and dreams were mixing with reality. nothing felt real to him anymore. he had been away from school for how long? he didn't know. his waterfall seemed to take a break today. his tears left him dead. his face was stained and contained a mixture of a pale pink and an even paler white. his body was a mixture of growing stone and a wet noodle. 

why did the world make him this way? why did they give him the broken home and the homophobic family? why did they give him depression.

why did they give him troye?

why did they give him this image of a blue eyed boy with soft curls, pale yet delicate skin and an australian accent? it was him that made him even more sad than he thought possible. it was because of him that he was lying here, broken with no one to hold. 

he had enough. 

with the strength that he didn't even know he had he gotten out of bed. he was done. broken couldn't even describe him anymore. depressed couldn't describe him anymore. he was just done. every emotion and action wasn't even his doing, it was the darkness, his demons. they were his life now, his guide. his demons ruled his life and there wasn't any use in fighting back. 

he walked into the bathroom, turned towards the mirror and looked at himself. disgusted. he was disgusted at what he had seen in the mirror. he saw his demons within him though. the smiled back at him cackling, proud that they had won. without a word or maybe even a sound he grabbed his extra pair of razor blades...

*                 *                 *

he knew that connor hadn't been attending school, but he didn't think it would've been for so long. he was worried about him. what had he done? had he even done anything? he looked for sam to see if she knew anything about connor's whereabouts but she didn't have anything for him. 

"...but hey," she started. 

troye had turned around the pain of the green eyed boy had shown clear in his face. if anything were to happen to him it would've been his fault, and he couldn't live with that. he didn't want to.

"i know you care for him troye, i can see it in your eyes. you do whatever you can to help him. he-he feels as if nothing can help him. he's told you about his darkness or his "demons" so to speak and that's what's breaking him, tearing him apart. do what others hadn't..." sam stopped took a deep shaky breath and looked up. her eyes were glistening, she was about to cry.

"save him." there was a crack in her voice as she said those words.

it clicked in troye at that moment. the words that he had shared with sam. the way the words flew from he mouth and how her eyes moved with it. she had been in connor's footsteps before. her scars they weren't from playing or a cat, they were self made. they were her aftermath. her demons, her darkness, they won. she had lost her drive long ago. she wasn't closed off, she was in thought. 

this never ending state of self thought, self help, depression and, darkness. she had to be her own light. there wasn't something to drive for or someone helping her, it was her. 

troye had begun to walk away with this new feeling of an emotion that he couldn't quite understand when sam spoke up.

"i don't know if connor is in his dorm or even on campus but if he is he's in the southwest part on the third floor, last room on the left."

troye knew that sam's war was over, her scars were a sign of that but troye hugged her. it took her by surprise but she ended up hugging him back. sam would've never admit this but, this is what she needed, this is all she ever needed.

troye pulled away and noticed that a single tear fell from sam's face. troye smiled at that as he quickly ran towards the other half of the school.

*                 *                 *

third floor, last room on the left.

he was there.

he decided on knocking first just to see if connor was really in there. he heard faint shuffling and a few cries and knocked on the door once more. 'go away' connor had said. the voice sounded so distant yet it blared through troye's head and rung like a bell. 

he tried again, another 'go away'

troye had enough and hit the door open. he looked around the room, nothing. he looked to his right and saw that the bathroom door was shut. he tried opening it. locked. troye hit that one open too. he looked on the ground and saw a limp body. 

"connor!" 

Lie within

Numb my skin